UtterChaos - New pages [en]

Lemon Pound Cake With Persian Sweet Lemons

Ubernerd — Tue, 24 Mar 2026 18:09:58 GMT

Ubernerd:

Based loosely on the Serious Eats Lemon Pound Cake recipe. Enjoy alongside this [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xxK5yyecRo video]

Ingredients:

Cake:

- 2 sticks of butter (softened)

- 200g sugar

- 198g cake flour (or 198g regular flour, take out 3 tbsp of it and replace with 3tbsp cornstarch)

- 1 tsp baking powder

- 4 eggs (room temp)

- 1 tsp vanilla extract

- 0.5 tsp salt

- 30ml (2 tbsp) milk or heavy cream

- Zest of 2 Persian lemons (about 2tbsp)

- 1 tbsp Persian lemon juice

Sizzurp:

- 1/4 cup white sugar

- 1/8 cup Persian lemon juice

- 1/8 cup regular lemon juice

Glaze:

- 1/2 cup powdered sugar

- scant 1 tbsp Persian lemon juice

Make the cake:

1) Get 3 bowls and a stand mixer. Preheat oven to 350. Line a 9x3 baking loaf pan

2) In the biggest bowl put the sugar and the lemon zest together. Rub it with your fingers for like 30 seconds until it gets fragrant. Set it aside.

3) In the second biggest bowl, sift the flour and the baking powder together

4) In the smallest bowl, crack 4 eggs and beat them together with the vanilla until combined

5) In the stand mixer, cream the butter with the salt on medium-high until it's real nice and whippy light (about 2-3 min)

6) Reduce the speed and gradually pour in all the lemon-sugar. When it's all in, crank back up to medium-high and whip until it's light (5-8 min)

7) Reduce he speed and trickle in the egg mixture. Then crank the speed back up to medium high and beat for 5 min (it'll look a little messy and separate but that's fine)

8) Turn down the speed. Add 1/3 of the flour mixture. When it's just incorporated, add milk and lemon juice and let it incorporate. Then add the rest of the flour 1/3 at a time.

9) Turn up the speed to medium and mix just until the mixture is smooth.

10) Spread batter into the pan. Bake for 1 hour (if the top of the cake gets real dark before it's done baking, tent with tinfoil at the latter half of baking time)

While the cake is baking, make the sizzurp:

1) Add lemon juices and sugar into a pan. Heat up on medium high and let simmer for 2 min. Set aside.

2) When the cake comes out of the oven, cool for 10 min on rack before lifting out of the pan while it's still hot).

3) Brush sizzurp all over top and sides of cake generously.

When the cake is all cool, make the glaze:

1) Mix powdered sugar and juice together.

2) Pour on top of cake, letting it run down the sides in a picturesque fashion.

Arroz Rojo

Ubernerd — Tue, 17 Feb 2026 00:35:23 GMT

Ubernerd: Created page with "Good for everything, but especially amazing with albondigas. Ingredients: 2 tomatoes 1 clove garlic 1/4 onion (diced) 3 tbsp cooking oil 1.5 cups long grain rice 1/4 tsp salt 2 cups boiling water 1 tbsp chicken bouillon 1/2 tsp garlic powder 3 sprigs cilantro Heat up the oil in a large heavy bottomed pan with a lid. Fry the onion and garlic until lightly browned. Remove the garlic from the pan. Add the rice into the pan and fry until lightly browned, and roas..."

Good for everything, but especially amazing with albondigas.

Ingredients:

2 tomatoes

1 clove garlic

1/4 onion (diced)

3 tbsp cooking oil

1.5 cups long grain rice

1/4 tsp salt

2 cups boiling water

1 tbsp chicken bouillon

1/2 tsp garlic powder

3 sprigs cilantro

Heat up the oil in a large heavy bottomed pan with a lid. Fry the onion and garlic until lightly browned. Remove the garlic from the pan. Add the rice into the pan and fry until lightly browned, and roasty toasty. Meanwhile, whiz the 2 tomatoes and fried garlic in a food processor. When the rice is nice 'n toasty, add the chicken bouillon and garlic powder. Fry for another 30 seconds. Then pour the tomato sauce onto the toasted rice. Add the boiling water (use to rinse out the food processor if desired) and season with salt. Put the 3 sprigs of cilantro on top and then put the lid on. Turn heat down to low and cook for 20 minutes. Open up, fluff and taste. Leave lid on with the heat off for softer rice.

Albondigas, No shortcuts

Ubernerd — Tue, 17 Feb 2026 00:27:10 GMT

Ubernerd:

Another installment in my Insufferable Le Creuset series of vat o' food recipes.

Ingredients:

For meatballs:

- 2 lbs fatty ground beef

- 1/2 bunch cilantro chopped)

- 3/4 onion (chopped)

- 1 tsp chili powder

- 1 tsp cumin

- 2 tsp oregano

- Salt 'n pepa

- 2 eggs

- 1/2 cup raw rice

Soup base:

- 4 tomatoes (ripe on a vine, or roma)

- 1/2 bunch of cilantro, chopped

- 1/4 onion (chopped)

- 6 cloves garlic

- 1 tbsp tomato bouillon

- 1 tsp oregano

- 3 tsp chicken bouillon

- 4 cups water

Soup:

- 3 carrots

- 3 red potatoes

- 1 zucchini

- fresh or frozen corn

- 5 cups water

- 4 tsp chicken bouillon

- Salt 'n pepa

Start by making the meatballs: slop all the ingredients into a large bowl and mix it all together with your hands until evenly mixed. Roll into golf ball sized meatballs. Set aside.

Next, make the soup base. In a food processor, put 1 cup of water, and all the rest of the ingredients. Whiz them until they are a nice liquid. Pour into your Le Creuset and act insufferably smug. Use the remaining 3 cups of water to rinse all the residue left in the food processor into the pot. Turn the heat on high.

Add 5 more cups of water to the pot, plus 4 tsp chicken bouillon. When all of it starts boiling, gently slip the meatballs into the pot and simmer gently for 15 minutes (may need to turn down the heat). Dice up the potatoes and carrots, add into the pot, and cook another 15 min. Finally, add the sliced zucchini and corn and simmer for 10 minutes. Season with salt 'n pepa, then turn the heat off. Serve with [[Arroz Rojo]]

Beanz from Scratch

Ubernerd — Wed, 28 Jan 2026 01:41:27 GMT

Ubernerd: Created page with "Beanz from scratch taste so much better and are cheaper than buying them by the can, and they make a shitload of food. Ingredients: 1.25 cups dry beans (canelli, small white..."

Beanz from scratch taste so much better and are cheaper than buying them by the can, and they make a shitload of food.

Ingredients:

1.25 cups dry beans (canelli, small white beans etc)

2 bay leaves

8 cups water

1/2 an onion, or 1 small onion, diced

A generous helping of dry lavender (these are gonna be herbes de provence beans)

A generous helping of dry rosemary

5 tsp chicken bouillon powder

Optional but encouraged step: de-fart the dried beanz by soaking them overnight in at least twice their volume of water. Drain off the de-farting water. Put all the ingreients in an Instant Pot. Cook under high pressure for 35 minutes, natural release.

Sausage Bean and Kale Soup

Ubernerd — Wed, 28 Jan 2026 01:35:11 GMT

Ubernerd: Created page with "I got an 8 quart oval Le Creuset and immediately became insufferable... making vat after vat of meals that last a whole week. So for the cozy blizzard weekend of 2026, I made..."

I got an 8 quart oval Le Creuset and immediately became insufferable... making vat after vat of meals that last a whole week. So for the cozy blizzard weekend of 2026, I made this magnificent bastard of a soup for like 4 days straight. This recipe also includes the Beanz from scratch recipe as an ingredient.

Ingredients:

1 whole recipe of [[Beanz from Scratch]]

4 cups hot water

3 tsp chicken bouillon powder

2lbs Italian Sausage (mix it up - get 1lb sweet, 1lb cheese and garlic or something)

1 large sweet onion

4 cloves garlic, minced

1 bay leaf

A generous fart of ketchup

3 tbsp sugar

1 generous tbsp olive oil

A splash of sake, whatever

1 giant wad of fresh kale (with stems)

Salt

Pepper

A hefty dash of the following spices

- Auntie Arwen's Garlic Insanity

- Tarragon

- Rosemary

- Oregano

1 cup heavy cream (optional - if you plan on keeping this thing on the stove and reboiling a bunch of times to kill the germs... a form of "generational soup" as Masumi would say, add cream when serving)

Heat up the olive oil in your Le Creuset... revel in how gorgeous and evenly it heats. Slice up the sausages into bite sized pieces, and brown in the pot. Dice up the onion. Remove the browned sausage and set it aside for the moment. Toss the onion, garlic, and the fistful of spices into the Le Creuset. As they start to cook, splash in that sake and deglaze all the brown bits from the bottom of the pot. When the onions have cooked down and are tender/translucent, fart a whole bunch of ketchup all over the onions and stir around/cook that ketchup for like 30 seconds. Pour in 4 cups of hot water, add the chicken bouillon powder, bay leaf, all the Beanz from Scratch (and their cooking liquid), sugar, and the sausage you set aside earlier. Put a lid on it and bring to a simmer. While that's getting up to temp, wash the kale and cut the stems out (reserving leafy greens for later). Dice up the stems and add to the pot of soup as it's simmering - that's flavor and fiber (and shit you don't want to eat undercooked). Simmer the whole thing for 20 minutes. When it's done, turn the heat off, tear up all the kale leafy green parts and add it to the broth. Put the lid back on and let the kale sit in the hot soup for like 3 minutes. Stir in the heavy cream if you want to dairy up the whole pot... otherwise add it to each bowl as you serve.

Lo Mai Gai (Lotus-wrapped Chicken with Sticky Rice)

Ubernerd — Sat, 13 Dec 2025 16:56:09 GMT

Ubernerd: Created page with "I keep fuckin' losing this recipe because I am senile. I think I've rewritten it like 2 dozen times for Marie, and whenever I go to make it in her little kitchen sweatshop, I..."

I keep fuckin' losing this recipe because I am senile. I think I've rewritten it like 2 dozen times for Marie, and whenever I go to make it in her little kitchen sweatshop, I have to remember it all over again from scratch, or call my mom. So here it is, pasted in here, once and for all.

Ingredients:

4 lotus leaves cut into quarters

5 or 6 cups of sweet rice (not Japanese sticky rice - some people call this "Botan rice")

2 chicken breasts

3 or 4 chinese sausages

6-10 dried shiitake mushrooms (depending on size)

3-4 tbsp dried shrimp, chopped up

1 tsp chili sauce (anything better than sriracha, but that'll work in a pinch)

shaoxing cooking wine

oil

soy sauce

pepper (black)

cornstarch

- Soak the leaves and rice overnight

- Cut up the chicken and mix with oil, pepper, and some soy sauce. Marinate for 30 minutes.

- Soak the dried mushrooms in hot water until they're soft. Save the mushroom water. Chop up the dried shrimps and soak them in the cooking wine.

- Steam the chinese sausage

- When all the above things are marinated/soaked/cooked etc, cut them all up into little pieces

- Heat up a wok. Fry the shrimp and wine with a tsp of chili sauce. Throw in the chicken and fry until that's cooked. Add mushroom and chinese sausage. Stir up some cornstarch with the mushroom water and some soy sauce (this is going to be the "sauce" that moistens and flavors the rice. If you like your lo mai gai saucy, then make more of this sauce). Add this slurry to the wok and cook until it thickens into a sauce on the other ingredients.

- Take one soaked leaf quarter, put it vein-side-up on the table. Put a couple tbsp soaked rice in the center. Scoop in some chicken and sauce. Top with a little more rice. Fold up and put it in the steamer. Steam all the packets for 1 hour.

Chicken and Dumplings

Ubernerd — Thu, 27 Nov 2025 00:33:13 GMT

Ubernerd: Created page with "For when you don't want to make a crust, but you want something like a sloppy chicken pot pie thing in a bowl. Ingredients: Chicken Soup Part: Some kind of chicken. Either..."

For when you don't want to make a crust, but you want something like a sloppy chicken pot pie thing in a bowl.

Ingredients:

Chicken Soup Part:

Some kind of chicken. Either 2 chicken breasts poached, some leftover rotisserie chicken, or a buncha cooked ground chicken

Frozen peas

Frozen corn

Carrots maybe (diced)

A small onion (diced)

A couple cloves garlic (minced)

Thyme

Nutmeg

Salt

Pepper

2 bay leaves

Any other spices that go into chicken soupy stuff. Use your imagination

6 cups chicken broth

0.5 cup heavy cream

6 tbsp flour

2-3 tbsp butter (or use a buncha oil)

Dumplings Part:

2 cups flour

1 tbsp baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon pepper

1.3 cups heavy cream

Start by making the chicken soup part. Heat up a little bit of oil in a wide pot and saute the onion, garlic, and carrots until they're fragrant. Voila, mirepoix. Add the butter (or a bunch more oil) and then the flour. Stir it around a bit and make a roux (make sure that butter's cooked). Add the cooked chicken, chicken broth, heavy cream, frozen peas/corn, and all the spices. Let it all come to a simmer and give it like 15 minutes on medium low heat, covered.

Meanwhile, make the dumplings by mixing the flour, baking soda, salt and pepper together in a bowl. Pour in the heavy cream and then stir it around with a spatula until it just comes together as a single mass of dough. Don't overknead - you want these shits to be tender. Get a big ass spoon, and form up little 1-1.5" diameter ballz. Drop those gently on top of the simmering soup, cover, and let it simmer for another 15 minutes until the dumplings are cooked. Good job.

Maple 5-Spice Squash Seeds

Ubernerd — Thu, 27 Nov 2025 00:02:41 GMT

Ubernerd:

Never let any of your decorative gourd guts go to waste! Mike Collins calls these "Bacon Seeds"

Ingredients:

Squash guts containing seeds

Olive oil

Salt

5 spice

Maple sizzurp

Clean out the seeds from the squash guts. This is best done by filling a deep bowl with water, tossing in the guts, and then letting the guts sink the bottom while the seeds float to the top. Now take all the seeds and spread 'em out on a paper towel to dry. Maybe stick 'em in the fridge overnight for extra dryness. When you're ready, prep a bowl with ~1tsp olive oil, ~1tsp maple sizzurp, salt, and 5 spice (as you like). Mix all the dry seeds up in there, then spread out on a parchment paper. Bake at 325 for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally to get a nice even roasty-toasty.

One-Ramekin Apple Crisp

Ubernerd — Wed, 26 Nov 2025 23:55:55 GMT

Ubernerd: Created page with "Nobody ever complained about keeping around a container of pre-made apple crisp topping in the fridge. Highly recommend always keeping a container of this shid around for on-d..."

Nobody ever complained about keeping around a container of pre-made apple crisp topping in the fridge. Highly recommend always keeping a container of this shid around for on-demand ramekin desserts.

Ingredients:

1 cup brown sugar

0.75 cup oats

0.75 cup flour

1 tsp ground cinnamon

pinch of salt

1 stick of butter (cold, cut into lil 0.25" cubes)

Some apples (cut up into little cubes)

Couple tbsp Sugar (to toss the apples in)

Lemon juice (to keep the apples fresh)

Get a big-ass bowl and 2 forks, or a fork and a knife. You're gonna be cutting this shit forever and it's annoying so I recommend making a big batch of crisp topping and keeping around any leftovers. Put in the brown sugar, oats, flour, cinnamon, and salt into said bowl. Stir it around a little to mix. Add in all the little butter cubes and toss to separate. Now take those forks and just cut. Cut that butter into the dry mixture - it will take forever - until it looks like little pea-sized crumbs. Congrats, you have topping and RSI.

Preheat the oven to 350. Toss the little apple cubes with the sugar and pour into a ramekin/whatever baking dish you're using. Top with as much crumble as you want. Save the rest for later. Bake for 40-50 minutes (35 for a wee ramekin)

Decorative Gourd Seasonal Dish

Ubernerd — Wed, 26 Nov 2025 23:41:18 GMT

Ubernerd:

[https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/its-decorative-gourd-season-motherfuckers IT'S DECORATIVE GOURD SEASON, MFKRS!!!]

Ingredients:

1 acorn squash

Olive oil (for brushing)

2 tbsp butter

Nutmeg

Dried Sage

Maple Sizzurp (so New England!)

Salt

Preheat the oven to 400F. Halve and gut the squash (saving the seeds for the [[Maple 5-Spice Squash Seeds|Maple 5-spice Squash Seeds]] recipe). Lay each half cavity-side-up on a baking sheet. Brush each squash half with some olive oil (so the spices stick). Sprinkle on the nutmeg. Pour a healthy amount of maple sizzurp in the cavity of each squash. Add one tbsp hunk of butter into each cavity. Crumble some dried sage into the cavity and salt to taste. Roast for 45-60 minutes (until tender)

Barb's Scalloped Potatoes are F*cked!

Ubernerd — Wed, 26 Nov 2025 23:24:18 GMT

Ubernerd: Created page with ""They're fantastic, Barb." Ingredients: 5 tbsp butter Several garlic cloves Salt (to taste) Pepper (to taste) ~2 lbs red potatoes 2 cups half and half (I mean, you can..."

"They're fantastic, Barb."

Ingredients:

5 tbsp butter

Several garlic cloves

Salt (to taste)

Pepper (to taste)

~2 lbs red potatoes

2 cups half and half (I mean, you can just use heavy cream and toss a little water in too if you want. Milk in the US is just white water anyway)

Nutmeg (some)

1 cup grated cheese

Preheat the ol' oven to 400F. Rub down a baking pan with a tablespoon of that butter. Smash up that garlic real fine and huck it into a pot with the half and half, remaining butter, salt & pepper, and a little nutmeg. Toss in the potatoes. Cook the potatoes in the cream at a medium boil for 8 min. Pour it all into that baking dish. Top it with the cheese and bake for 30 min until the cheese on top is nice 'n good.

If you want to make ahead, you can load up the potato dish and then keep it in the fridge overnight. Thaw and then chuck it in the oven to reheat (but it's more of a pain in the ass to judge how long it'll take with this fridge method, in my opinion)

Lotus Root Soup

Ubernerd — Sat, 08 Nov 2025 14:16:27 GMT

Ubernerd:

A mishmash of everyone's Cantonese recipes.

Ingredients:
- 1lb Pork spare ribs

- Ginger

- Jujubes

- Garlic cloves

- 0.5-1lb Lotus root

- 3 quarts water

Blanche the pork ribs and toss the first batch of water out. Slice up some ginger, peel some garlic cloves, and get that 12 cups of water boiling. At the very last minute, slice up the lotus root. Shove it all in the Instant Pot and press the "Soup" button. "Soup" it 3 times, salt to taste, and it should have the flavor you want.