Caryatid's Recipes

Pending uploads include:

• Trials - Gyoza:
  • Strawberry Cheesecake Gyoza (First trial experimental and awesome!)
  • Possible alternative dessert gyozas
  • Traditional meat/veg gyoza from scratch

• Trial: Pulled Pork

• Trials - Dim Sum:
  • Char siu bao (baked and/or steamed)
  • Bolo bao with nai wong filling

• Great Grains adventures:
  • Amaranth
  • Barley
  • Bulgur
  • Israeli Cous Cous
  • Quinoa (White, Red, Black)
  • etc.

• Notable Tea Rices

• Trials - Truffles:
  • Rosemary-Truffle Fries
  • ??

• Slow Cooker side-quest, trials details pending...

Shep'tards' Pie [WW: 8 points]

(Invented Saturday, 11/3/07)

Ingredients

• Tyson frozen chicken strips
• Market Basket frozen peas
• One can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup, 98% fat free
• Market Basket instant mashed potatoes, flake style

Instructions

1. Nuke chicken in baking dish;
2. Scatter generous layer of peas (into same dish), still frozen;
3. Glob and distribute can of soup on top of that -- taking care not to cut self or chew up spatula on sharp can edge;
4. Combine ingredients for mashed potatoes as listed on box -- oops, out of milk; compensate with extra water and another spoon of light butter; add Goya Adobo for a kick of garlic, delectible saltiness, and that little dash of ghetto class; schmear admixture on top of all the rest;
5. Bake in oven that you just remembered to start preheating, make a rough guess at about 275 deg.F, for about 40 minutes -- ooh, top is looking crunchy and delicious at the 20 minute mark, add cover to keep moisture;
6. Pat self on back with oven mitt (after safely placing baking dish); enjoy!

Comments

Outcome delightfully easy and tasty. I shall rinse and repeat. --Caryatid 12:38, 8 November 2007 (EST)

Über-Tubers Bliss [WW: 10 points]

(Invented Monday, 1/28/08)

Ingredients

• 2 potatoes (I used large white ones, but substitute at will for great justice.)
• 2 cloves of garlic, diced
• 1 small onion (It was a little-ish yellowish one; pester not the artiste for details!), chopped
• 4 tablespoons-ish Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• Sea Salt (or Kosher, why not?)
• Ground pepper
• 1 tablespoon rosemary, ground (Unless you LOVE the sensation of chewing on evergreen needles.)
• Goya Adobo (Um, yes. Always.)
• Cinnamon (Lots. I'm a Portugee! I'm allowed carte blanche!)
• Nutmeg (A little, or slightly more. Potently delicious crapola.)
• Cheddar, shredded (I used orange, pre-shredded, low fat cheddar. Cuz I'm ghetto, lazy, and prefer to consume my spare daily points in the form of CHOCOLATE.)
• Grated Parmesan cheese

Instructions

1. Boil potatoes in water, 20-25 minutes, or 'til tender.
2. Pre-heat oven to 350 deg F, while cubing 'tatoes.
3. In a roasting pan (later to be covered if you don't fear the DEATHWRAP known by the naive as aluminum foil), drizzle a little oil, then add potatoes, more oil, and all the non-cheese ingredients. Mix about; insert in pre-heated oven.
4. After 20 minutes, stir about and sprinkle cheese atop the 'tato glory.
5. After 10 more minutes, remove. Be patient, it's freaking hot. Now EAT, with or without condiments of choice.

Comments

OMG the Cordon Bleu owes me an honorary degree for this delicious bastard.

Deep Chocolate Vitamuffin-clones [WW: 1 point each]

(Ripped off online, tested & revised 5/25/08)

Servings: 24

This has been put through the recipe builder several times, for inexpensive "vitamuffins" that are truly decadent with about 3-4g fiber per muffin. Enjoy!!! (And please, vary and experiment with substitutions.)

Ingredients

• 1 ¾ cup whole wheat flour
• ¾ cup unsweetened cocoa
• 1 ½ tsp baking powder
• 1 ½ tsp baking soda
• 2Tbs + 2tsp Fiber Supplement (clear)
• ¼ tsp table salt

• 1 cup sugar
• ½ cup Fat-free Half & Half
• 3 egg whites
• ½ cup unsweetened apple sauce
• 1 ½ tsp vanilla extract
• 1 ½ Tbs vinegar

• 1 cup hot water
• ½ cup semi-sweet chocolate chips (or substitute other thingy of similar nutritional value)

Instructions

1. Preheat oven at 350 deg. Prepare 24 cupcake papers / silicone cupcake tray / cookie sheet (for ‘vitatops’).
2. Mix all dry ingredients together.
3. Then add all wet ingredients except for the hot water and chips.
4. Then slowly stir in hot water (until batter consistency is right; you may not use the full cup), and chips. Do not over mix.
5. Bake at 350 degrees for about 10-12 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.
6. Let cool for 10 minutes.
7. Enjoy fresh or freeze and microwave 30-60 seconds for a delicious chocolate 1 point treat!

Comments

I think some time I'll toddle down to Harvest or similar, obtain carob powder, and play with some ratio of carob to cocoa.

Dual Spires Mango Rice [WW: ? points]

(Made up from my brain-meats and larder-loot; First try, 12/1/10)

Servings: 4

So named because I consumed it while watching the 'Psych' cross-over episode with 'Twin Peaks.' And because it's SO EFFING GOOD you pitch a two-pole tent.

Ingredients

• 3 oz dried mango (because that's what I had, and I SUCK at eviscerating fresh mango), diced
• Two small kielbasa links, coined and quartered
• 1 small can of sliced mushrooms; reserve the can-squeezings water
• Approx. 2 cups more of previously reserved 'shroom juice from when I made the vast vat of lunch salads for last week
• 1 c brown rice
• 1 c-ish, frozen corn

• Dried flaked garlic, hasty toss-in amount (to taste)
• SECRET AWESOMENESS INSPIRATION INGREDIENT: ground coriander, similar portion

• Unintended ingredient: moar water, whoops portion

Instructions

1. Dice mango. Holler at puppy.
2. Coin and quarter kielbasa. Holler at puppy. Throw sausage at puppy. Regret rewarding insolence.
3. Retrieve canned mushrooms from top shelf with a box of spaghetti. Swear and scream when kamikaze can aims for skull. Skin can of 'shroom with can opener in eye-for-eye merciless cruelty of revenge.
4. Squeeze 'shroom-can life-blood into rice cooker. Realize should have measured. Hell with it.
5. Measure in one cup brown rice.
6. Throw in chopped stuff. Do not cut self with knife; blood is not in recipe (optional, to taste).
7. Measure in previously saved 'shroom juice... 1 cup and a half is cited ratio for brown rice according to chart that came with rice cooker... measure 1 cup. Measure half cup, then realize that would leave a random half cup of 'shroom urine in the back of the fridge... throw it all in, then complain of botheration making a measuring cup dirty without sticking to the measure anyway.
8. Also corn. Whoops, measuring cup already in dishwasher; obviously dirty now. Use v. scientific method of small handfuls 'til it feels good.
9. Flip switch. Swear. Plug in rice cooker. Flip switch back on again.
10. Wait a thousand years of starvation. Fuss with organizing the spices -- alphabetical or thematic? Realize should have thought of actual flavors for meal. Throw in garlic. Sniff everything in rack, until arrival at coriander produces choir of angels Hallelujah from cilia on tongue; add. Enjoy auto-egotic back-pattings for the thousand years of starvation.
11. Upon rice cooker pop to warm, scoop to bowl and discover: flavor is delicious; rice is crunch-ay.
12. Add water, nuke 5 mins.
13. Wipe down microwave from explodey rice bombs; regret not putting a plate over it, even though it was considered and dismissed at the crucial moment. Dish still slightly crunchy; almost there. A little more water; nuke 3 mins.
14. Wipe down microwave again; yep, didn't learn lesson. Carry thermo-nuclear bowl to couch with oven mitts. Unpause Sean and Gus; feast.

Pair with Cran-Pomegranate Crystal Lite, for that extra touch of Class.

Comments

I really just need to accept that the rice cooker is not a magical fast slow-cooker that does rice too; I keep treating it as such by putting in the rice AND protein AND dried fruit AND, AND, AND... which then extends the cook time, increases the liquid needs, and pops from cook to warm while the rice is still somewhere in the range of "slightly less than elegantly al dente--hell, let's face it, full-on crunchy." Save that, this was INSPIRED and AWESOME and I'm a winner.--Caryatid 11:13, 2 December 2010 (EST)

Jasmine Tea Rice, So Nice [WW: ? points]

(Paired with Korma Chameleon, 1/18/11)

Servings: 5 meals (1 supper, 4 nuked lunches)

Yes, it's confusing -- it's not jasmine rice, that's for Thai food. It's basmati rice for pairing with Indian (Korma Chameleon, recipe below), cooked in Jasmine [Green] tea. This recipe sans peas and cloves -- or with, if you're feeling crazy -- also works as a basic template for other Tea Rice(s): spin the wheel! Try brown rice in black tea for a nice Burnt Sienna, or sushi in sencha, or Rooibos with Bulghur (neither a rice nor a tea! zing! zang! caow-pwing!), or put some Uncle Ben's into a Lady Grey (scandalous skank!),... THE OPTIONS ARE LITERALLY LIMITLESS.

N.B. Disclaimer: I do not promise edibility of every possible iteration of the infinite "small grainy thing" + "decoction" -> "insert in rice cooker" formula. If you're considering this, talk with a medical professional before taking. Side-effects may include: obesity, Aurora Boreanaz, my hands are melting, stroke, strokiness, stroke-like symptoms, death, front-butt, Hutt-butt, putt-putt, or death.

Warning (from experience): Do not let yourself begin to treat the rice cooker as a super-fast crockpot. It is not so. This path leads only to heartbreak and v. v. al dente rice -- as in, "Ye Gods, I just dented my dentition!" You've been warned. There's a line, and we're not telling you where it is, only that on the other side, the floor is lava.

Triggered by The Ultimate Tea Diet.

Ingredients

• Water to line number 2 on the rice cooker pot
• Green Jasmine Tea, Twinings of London, 2 bags, strings removed
• Basmati rice, 2 rice cooker scoops (the volume of which I should know)
• Future: peas, a good handful?
• Future: whole cloves, a good pinchful?

Instructions

1. Heat to boil water and tea bags only (no rice) in rice cooker on Cook setting.
2. Lower to Warm for appropriate tea steeping duration -- over-steeping is okay though, so don't sweat it -- makes the tea salty.
3. Add appropriate basmati rice amount, a handful of peas, and a probably too liberal amount of whole cloves, flip the switch from Warm back to Cook.
4. Let it do its thing.
5. Next time, write down the duration to do a better job syncing.

Comments

WORK IN PROGRESS; in future: make stronger jasmine tea; add cloves and peas; sync timing/durations better such that rice reaches completion closer to done-time of korma.--Caryatid 14:37, 20 January 2011 (EST)

Korma Chameleon [WW: ? +points]

(First time, date unknown; Second first time, 1/18/11)

Servings: 5 meals (1 supper, 4 nuked lunches), with Jasmine Tea Rice, shown above.

I did this once a couple years ago and it was FLAWLESS VICTORY. Don't know if I got it from a recipe, or made it up, or both; don't know if I wrote it down; if I printed or saved from online and did/n't write down tweaks; don't know where I put the little bastard. Have scoured pages, post-its, and pixels, to no success.

Attempt number two, long overdue and delayed from the lack of finding, began with googling for anything that sounded vaguely familiar to the sheer perfection of my fading memory. Found three recipes with varying bits that sounded good with equal measure of bits that sounded shite. Decided to put them all together, at risk of resulting in a dish that tasted like a hockey enforcer slammed your skull into the spice rack.

Attempt at your own peril.

Ingredients

¤ 4 whole/halves boneless, skinless chicken breasts; chopped
¤ 2 cups plain non-fat yogurt [On that day I had only had about 1.75 c, and it was (shameful confession) not the freshest. Not dead yet! Thus, must have been totally fine. Still, I wanted this way creamier. Wondering if later lemon juice would improve texture; will push lemon juice addition to a later stage for future version.]
¤ 1 teaspoon lemon juice [I squoze a plastic lemon with vigor; again, next time I'll add this later than the yog.]
¤ 2 large tomatoes; [peeled &] diced [Eff that, I'll do no such thing as peeling; I used plum toms.]
¤ 4-5 cloves garlic; peeled & minced
¤ 1/3 cup butter or margarine [I went nuts and used real butter, salted, since I figured I was already faking it by not using ghee.]
¤ 2 onions, finely chopped [I didn't have fresh onions; I had frozen pre-chopped and I had dried diced. So as not to neglect either, and not risk using one and wishing I'd done the other, I used one onion's worth of one, and one of the other -- about a cup of frozen and 6 tablespoons of dried, as fake-it inclination and labels advised.]
¤ 1.5-2 teaspoons salt [Eyeballed it, even though I'm not too good at that.]
¤ 2 teaspoons ground coriander
¤ _A Lot Of_ cinnamon [One recipe said a 2-inch stick -- I said "hell with that" and threw in a metric ton of ground cinn.]
¤ 1-4 tablespoon(s) curry powder
¤ 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper; ground [Can't remember now if I added this on top of the curry or wussed out.]
¤ 2 teaspoons turmeric
¤ 1 teaspoon chili powder
¤ _? tsp_ allspice [None of the recipes recommended it, but SUCK IT I'M ON A ROLL.]
¤ [Memory already fading; I may have tossed in some nutmeg? pumpkin pie spice? It sounds like me.]
¤ _1/3 cup-ish_ slivered or finely chopped almonds [I used whole and had minor regret; it looks pretty but they stay a bit cronchy -- maybe if they'd been added with the marinading mix in the first half-hour?]
¤ _1/3 cup-ish_ raisins
¤ _Too many_ whole cloves
¤ 4-5 bay leaves; jam 'em in a small tea baller -- consider consequences -- remove from small tea baller.

Errata

• [I ignored the ginger listed in all three recipies 'cuz I don't like it and find it too spicy; and yes, I know curry and chili powders are spicy too, but... I am Woman; Hear me FICKLE.]

• [2 teaspoons garam masala -- I didn't have any, so I skipped this bit. I'm cool with it.]

• [One recipe included 2 tablespoons mango chutney, which I didn't have, but I did have dried mango bits, which I considered dicing and adding. Maybe next time. I do know from the Dual Spires Mango Rice that mango and coriander go together like chocolate and bacon.]

Tools

§ Rice cooker, measure cup that came with it, non-stick-safe rice paddle; electric outlet...

§ 1 or 2 large size tea baller(s) [for bay leaves and cloves if you don't feel like fishing them out of the pan or your mouth]

§ Everything else -- stovetop/hotplate, timer, tall-sided 12-ish inch pan with a fitting lid, medium-large bowl, cutting board, knife, spatula, blah, blah, and blah.

Instructions

1. [If needed, defrost frozen chicken breasts -- for kitchen cleaning economy, I did this in a water bath in the pan I would later cook in, then a couple rounds in the microwave in the bowl I would later mix in. For second round of micro-defrosting do not hit Cook instead of Defrost -- do not face-palm with salmonella hands -- do not fumble knife while burning and freezing fingers on partially overcooked, partially crystallized breasts of chicken. Do not.]
2. Mix together yogurt, spices, garlic, tomato, and [lemon juice preferably later? / almonds preferably now-ish?] in a medium bowl. Add chicken, turning to coat. Let stand at room temperature for 30 minutes. [Do not start the rice at this stage for good sync. Wait 'til the simmer stage.]
3. Heat butter in a skillet over medium heat. Cook onions until soft, stirring about 3 minutes or until lightly browned. [Frozen onions do not brown, and dried onions start brown and have to keep moving else they go black and do not come back.]
4. Add chicken and marinade mixture to pan and mix thoroughly. Stir in bay leaves and cloves, loose or in large tea-ballers. Toss on raisins [and almonds if not earlier].

   (Add a small amount of chicken broth during cooking if liquid evaporates.)

5. Cover and simmer over medium-low heat, stirring frequently, for about 20-30 minutes, or until chicken is done. Sprinkle sliced almonds over the top, and serve, recommended on Jasmine Tea Rice, So Nice, as above.

   (Extract/Discard/spit out whole spices.)

150 calories, 29% calories from fat, 5 g fat, 1 g saturated fat, 38 mg cholesterol, 238 sodium, 2 meat, 1/2 milk, 1 fat.

Comments

WORK IN PROGRESS; want more and fresher yogurt; sliver or crush or cook longer for softer almonds; sync timing/durations better such that rice reaches completion closer to done-time of korma.--Caryatid 15:19, 25 January 2011 (EST)

VARIANT Korma Chameleon MEAT PIE [WW: ? +points]

(First time pot pie, third time modded korma, 10/17/11)

Pie Pics

Servings: # meals: 4 individual serving ramekins, 1 standard size pie, and a spare casserole of remainder korma filling. [Next time will definitely want to half the recipe at least.]

Continuing to tweak my modded korma recipe. Alterations come from three sources:

1. online recipes from chefs of whom I approve (ex. I'm fond of Jamie Oliver and Alton Brown),
2. online recipes from legit Indian sources (aiming for pages that start with "I got this from my grandmother who got it from her grandmother..."), and
3. my fickle fancy and whimsical wants (examples, eww ginger, yay cinnamon).

Also took this excuse to visit the relocated and expanded "Little India" market in the neighborhood, and in addition to ghee and garam masala, purchased pre-made julab gamun and tandoori naan. Will someday make my own from scratch, but my rule is Only One Experiment at a Time.

Ingredients

¤ 2 cups plain non-fat yogurt [Blended remaining yogurt with a couple cans of mango nectar and some agave syrup to make a pitcher of Mango Lassi to accompany the dish. Next time will make sure to have some mango fruit or pulp to make the lassi more robust, but it was tasty still.]
¤ 4-5 cloves garlic; peeled & minced [Used jarred garlic, pre-minced.]
¤ 1/3 cup-ish almonds; slivered [Added early to encourage them to soften a bit.]
¤ 1/2 cup-ish raisins
¤ 1/4 cup-ish dried mango bits; chopped [Mango and coriander are a love-affair that I just cannot deny.]
¤ 2 teaspoons coriander; ground
¤ 2 teaspoons salt
¤ 2 tsp cinnamon [My not-secret love.]
¤ 1-2 tsp nutmeg [I heart cinnamon, nutmeg, and paprika best of all things, so I wasn't going to let the cinn out to play without a buddy.]
¤ 1-2 tsp allspice [None of the recipes recommended it, but it is ALL spices!]
¤ 1-4 tablespoon(s) curry powder [I used 2T for moderation, was pleased.]
¤ 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper; ground
¤ 1 teaspoon chili powder
¤ 2 teaspoons turmeric
¤ 2 teaspoons garam masala [Really enjoyed Little India's spice section.]
¤ 30ish whole cloves
¤ 30ish cardamom seeds; crushed
¤ 4-5 bay leaves; cut 'em up fine with scissors then ground small as I could with a hand-mill. [Can't use the tea-baller technique with a pot pie. May try to procure powdered bay leaves if such exist.]
¤ 2 large tomatoes; [peeled &] diced [Eff that, I'll do no such thing as peeling; I used 4 small toms instead.]
¤ 4 breasts equivalent of boneless, skinless chicken thighs; chopped [I consulted a couple recipes for pot pies that indicated thighs are good for that purpose, for their flavor, and I figured I'd give it a whirl. Not the funnest to chop up, but tasty all the same.]
¤ 1/3 cup ghee
¤ 2 onions; finely chopped [I didn't have fresh onions; I had frozen pre-chopped and I had dried diced. So as not to neglect either, and not risk using one and wishing I'd done the other, I used one onion's worth of one, and one of the other -- about a cup of frozen and 6 tablespoons of dried, as fake-it inclination and labels advised.]
¤ 1 small bag mixed veggies, frozen
¤ 1 teaspoon lemon juice
¤ 1 cup chicken broth [Recipes for pot pies all had this; I had concerns when I added it at first, since the mix seemed too liquid, but after the pies emerged from the oven they were perfect, so I can only assume they'd have dried out without broth.]
¤ 2 pkgs pie crust (ea. pkg = 1 top + 1 bottom)

Errata

• [I ignored the ginger listed in all the recipies 'cuz I don't like it and find it too spicy; and yes, I know curry, cayenne, and chili powders are spicy too, but... I am Woman; Hear me FICKLE.]

• [Recipes also recommended crushed red pepper flakes, but I didn't feel like it and didn't want to add any more heat, as I'm a Mild girl all the way. As it was, the pies were just kissing the top boundary of my comfortable tolerance.]

• [Some recipes recommended cumin, and I arbitrarily declared that a line too far.]

Instructions

1. Chop mango, tomato, chicken.
2. Mix together yogurt, garlic, nuts, fruits, spices, and tomato in a medium bowl. Add chicken, turning to coat. Let stand at room temperature for at least 30 minutes. [I actually marinaded for about an hour and a half, because I had the time and wanted the flavors to really meld.]
3. Heat ghee in a large pot over medium heat. Cook onions until soft, stirring about 3 minutes or until lightly browned. [Frozen onions do not brown, and dried onions start brown and have to keep moving else they go black and do not come back.] Add frozen mixed veg.
4. Add chicken and marinade mixture to pot and mix thoroughly. Add chicken broth and lemon juice.
5. Simmer over medium-low heat, stirring frequently, for about 20 minutes, or until chicken is at least mostly done.
6. Preheat oven to 425degF.
7. While filling simmers, fit large pie plate with a bottom crust, and cut mini crusts from the second to fill the ramekins. Tetris and smush bits as needed.
8. Fill pies. [This recipe left almost another big-pie worth as remainder; threw it in a casserole dish and put it away. I'll bake or stovetop cook it later for more traditional korma on rice.] Top crusts as directed. Put on cookie sheets for overflow and ease of extraction. Prep tinfoil for pie edges.
9. Bake for 30-50 minutes, rest for 10 mins. (10-15 mins in, foil the edges of the pies to keep them from over-browning). [Mini ramekins were totally ready at 30 mins; big pie came out golden-beautiful at 50.] Note: curry dyes the crust yellow, so color is not a perfect indicator of doneness -- confirmed with a meat thermometer for poultry-non-poisonous.
10. Since the oven was hot, I threw the naan in for a minute, pulled it out to brush with ghee, and back in for another minute. Delish.

Comments

WORK IN PROGRESS; Test subjects submit addition of potato as possible improvement; could be very good. I had considered alternatively adding basmati rice to the pie, either mixed in with the filling or in layers, but perhaps the potato would be better. I had initially thought it might be cool to make the crust(s) as naan, but I think wisely reconsidered, since naan is super pliant/chewy, which would have made cutting a slice of the pie unfeasible.--Caryatid 17:30, 18 October 2011 (EST)

Vampire Pie aka Adele Stackhouse Pecan Pie [WW: x points]

(First-Try Pie, Thanksgiving, 11/23-11/24/11)

Pie Pics

Servings: It's a pie. It's all in how you slice it.

Featured in True Blood, Season 1, Episode 06, min 42:00. After the airing, many internet denizens went mental wondering 'WHAT in the holy heck IS this supernatural pie?' Some insisted they were from [the South/New Orleans/Texas] and had had pie like unto Gran's Pecans Pie at the knees of their own nanas, grannies, and memaws; while others insisted with trollish adamancy they too were Southerners and had never seen the kind in all their days nor might anyone else ever have done.

So was this pie an optical illusion or some special effect of sci-fi/fantasy? A work of cinematic hokum the likes of which had not been seen since the Hollywood invention of made-up Movie Medicine like concussions and lupus and temporary amnesia? [Funny story... ask me some other time....] Or was it the-pie-that-time-forgot, and they looked it up in some dusty and arcane Ye Olde Tastees Booke specifically to highlight that Gran was uniquely awesome? Or at least to make it easier for skinny little Sookie to chow down while emoting on screen without having to keep cutting the film and the mood to spit?

We turn to Google. The history of the "traditional" pecan pie was an unexpected revelation. Pecan pie as we know it is a purely twentieth century invention. "Karo Syrup's own website contends that the dish was a 1930s "discovery" of a "new use for corn syrup" by a corporate sales executive's wife." Obviously, Karo didn't invent sugar pies nor did they pioneer the concept of nut pies. But since almost every pecan pie recipe of that kind calls specifically for Karo syrup, it's easy to believe the anecdote. The few sources dated earlier seem to be exclusively cream, custard, or meringue -natured and Texan in origin. Before the 30's, there appear to be no references to syrup, either corn or cane. So while it seems the more traditional pecan pie recipe is a creamier one, when seeking the formula for recreating the Stackhouse pie, all one can immediately find is the usual syrup pie. It took hours of vigorous googling to acquire the following.

Ingredients

• 1 cup sugar
• 1/4 cup flour
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 2.5 cups half-and-half (which is ever-so conveniently just more than one pint but well less than two.)
• 2 tablespoons butter

• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 dash / 8 shakes cinnamon
• 3 shakes nutmeg
• 2 shakes pumpkin pie spice

(May be worth exploring the component ingredients in my "pumpkin pie spice" which is traditionally a blend of "warm" spices generally including some or all of the following: cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, clove, allspice, mace. I have this jar next to my cinn'n'meg, and more often than not throw in some of all three like a set of sexy musketeers when the occasion seems to call for it. Decided portions of ginger, clove, allspice, and/or mace might provide an interesting kick to balance the extant pie's soft-and-mild, almost springtime flowering tree sort of tone.)

• 20ish cardamom seeds, ground

(This was a spontaneous addition out of nowhere but the whimsy of my fevered brain, because I love it, because that's how hardcore I roll, and because the Doctor came back to me from the future and told me how cool it was. He was right, of course. Remove this and ratchet up the other spices and it becomes a whole nother sort of pie, I'm sure.)

(See Comments re: measurements.)

• A few fistfuls of pecans

(I tried to choose largely unbroken nuts for a prettier pie. One small bag covered it more than amply.)

(This pie might modify nicely with the addition of some amount of chopped pecans added to the filling itself; I think it's thick enough to mix them in after it's cooled and before it's poured into the pie shell that they wouldn't all just sink to the bottom.)

• 1-1.5 large deep pie crust(s), unbaked

(The package I bought contained 2 crusts; as this is a topless pie (heh, heh) I thought I would only use the one, but then I cut it up to make the braided crust and decorative bits, leaving enough for a lovely little breakfast quiche some other day.)

Instructions

1. Mix sugar, flour, salt, half+half, and butter. Boil. Stir.
2. Remove from heat. Add vanilla and spices. Stir smooth. Allow slight cooling.
3. Pour into crust and arrange pecans on top. Because I suck at the rope-edge on pie, I went for the braided technique from here. Because I couldn't keep the joins clean, I used a cookie cutter on some of the crust remainder and made decorative bits to cover them. See Pie Pics and agree that these 'mistakes' make for a dayum sexay piece of pie.
4. Bake at 425 degF for 10 mins. (At this point I tried to cover the crust edge with tin foil, but ineptly and to questionable effect.)
5. Reduce to 350 degF for 45 mins.
6. Chill, preferably overnight. Optionally top with ice cream or whipped topping to serve, but frankly it's unnecessary.

Comments

As it turns out, a dash is not just a random shake of the bottle in the general direction of your mixing bowl, but comes to about 1/8 tsp - and a pinch is about 1/16 tsp, while a smidgen is half that or about 1/32 tsp. Of course, I know that now. At the time, I did as I did and I make no apologies.

Primary source for the First Try Pie: Howling at the Moon: True Blood Gran’s Creamy Pecan Pie. Italics in ingredients indicate my first set of alterations. Comparative pic My version, top left. Gran's pie, right. Primary internet source, center.

Future Vampire Pie attempts may include partial substitutions or integrated tweaks from:

• New Orleans Pecan Pie - main features include sour cream, egg, and brown sugar; top is a meringue sprinkled with pecans.
• Pecan Cream Pie - another meringue, featuring milk, cornstarch, eggs.
• 'Southern' Pecan Pie with Sweet Spice Crust - recipe filling is fairly standard, with bourbon, but the sweet spice crust sounds like a sexy tweak. I think this link only popped high on my searches because the poster calls herself "Vampire Gran" but the recipes she blogs are intriguing and warrant a closer look. She also shows a variation Chocolate Pecan Pie, with cocoa in the crust AND chocolate in the filling.
• Peanut Butter Praline Pie - aside from the PB aspect, this pie brings the creamy-custardy thing in the form of vanilla pudding.
• Grandma's Texas Pecan Cream Pie - evaporated milk.
• Ma Fergusons Pecan Cream Pie - another meringue, milk base.
• Pecan Cream Pie - more meringue, heavy cream.
• Texas Pecan Pie - more heavy cream, no meringue.
• The Pie that'll Make you Cry - a more standard pecan pie as a baseline, talks a big game and makes a good point about chopped vs. whole nuts.
• White Chocolate Pecan Pie - chocolate (white and semisweet), milk, and heavy cream. While I'm not a fan of white choc, this version is a no-bake pie, so that could be a route to the True Blood creaminess and worth exploration. Certainly on screen the crust looks pale and the nuts neither shiny with baked sugar nor darkened from oven heat, so the true True Blood Pie may have been no-bake.

• Chocolate Bourbon Pecan Pie was my backup plan if I couldn't find a decent answer to the 'What is this pie?' question. Doesn't look like a pie anyone would spill milk and tears on.

First-try Vampire Pie received hearty rave reviews from Turkey Day feasters; may not require tweakery, though the alternatives sound so tempting I may be obliged to perform trials anyway, simply for the sake of Science!--Caryatid 20:35, 29 November 2011 (EST)

• Easy Dinner Rolls placeholder

Not Your Average Joe's Chicken Carbonara [WW: x points]

(Recreated by Zahnnie, 7/3/2011)

Note, when I recreated it I did a ghetto alfredo sauce instead of romano cream: throw cream and parm in pan with pasta, toss, add more until it seems right. -Zahnnie

Servings: xx

Not an original invention; a recreation of the dish I went to NYAJ's for every birthday til they REMOVED IT FROM THE MENU, THE BASTARDS. Original menu description: "curly cavatappi pasta with apple-smoked bacon, sauteed chicken, mushrooms, sweet peas, and diced tomatoes, tossed in a romano cream sauce."

Ingredients

Just guess...

• curly cavatappi pasta
• apple-smoked bacon
• sauteed chicken
• mushrooms
• sweet peas
• diced tomatoes
• romano cream sauce (makes 1.25 cups; takes -30 mins):
  • 2T butter
  • 2T flour
  • 1/4t salt
  • 1 dash black pepper
  • 1c milk
  • 1/4c grated cheese (Parmesan, Romano, both?)

Instructions

1. Boil pasta and peas.
2. Separate saucepan, be making cream sauce, as above.
3. Apple-smoke bacon. (Or, you know, buy it that way.) Cook. Crumble.
4. Saute chicken and mushrooms; add tomatoes.
5. Toss all with sauce.
6. Devour. Raven. Exalt.

Comments

Now the only thing Joe has that I want is the totally cool sculptures in the restaurant at the Arlington Center location -- don't know if they use the same art at all their locations, but I LOVE and want it.--Caryatid 23:29, 7 December 2011 (EST)

Operatic Orgasmic Tetrazzini [WW: x points]

(Family tradition[ally ripped off from Betty Crocker], plus my v. minor tweaks)

Servings: xx

From Wikipedia: "An American dish... named after the Italian opera star, Luisa Tetrazzini... believed to have been invented ca. 1908-1910 by Ernest Arbogast, then chef at the Palace Hotel in San Francisco, California, where Tetrazzini was a long-time resident... other sources attribute the origin to the Knickerbocker Hotel in NYC."

Ingredients

• 1 package (7 oz) spaghetti/linguine or egg noodles (Feel free to substitute pasta style, understanding a more sauce-absorbent pasta like rotini will result in a drier dish or necessitate increased cream/milk and/or broth.)

• 1/4 cup butter/margarine
• 1/4 cup flour
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper
• 1/8 teaspoon nutmeg (optional; I usually don't, much as I love nutmeg.)

• 1-2 cup(s) chicken/turkey/shroom broth (for more/less dry casserole)
• 1-2 cup(s) whipping cream/milk (for more/less dry casserole)

• 2 tablespoons sherry or dry white wine or vermouth
• 2 tablespoons lemon juice (optional)

• 2 cups cubed cooked chicken or turkey (I usually use leftovers or canned precooked, for convenience. If canned, the juice is good broth to use.)
• 1 can (3 oz) sliced mushrooms (feel free to multiply at will -- I usually double at least; I save the water from canned shrooms to use with the broth.)
• 1/2 cup peas (optional; adds pleasant color and sweetness)

• 1/2 cup grated Parmesan (feel free to double or more on this -- I usually put half a cup in the sauce and a half on top; or add Romano or other strong, dry, aged cheeses; alt. Swiss)
• Breadcrumbs to cover (Panko and/or Italian work well)

((OTHER Optional ingredients: can substitute seafood for poultry; add almonds or other hard nut in mix and/or topping; can add onions, garlic, celery, carrots; optional thyme, nutmeg, paprika; garnish with lemon or parsley; can substitute other wine for sherry; can substitute other hard cheese.))

Instructions

1. Set oven to preheat to 350 degF. (Mine takes forever which is why I start it first.)
2. Set water for pasta to boil in a huge pot (to better merge all ingredients in at the end); cook pasta while preparing sauce.

1. Melt butter in large saucepan over low heat. Blend in flour and seasonings. Cook over low heat, stirring until mixture is smooth and bubbly.
2. Remove from heat, stir in broth and cream.
3. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly. Boil and stir one minute.
4. Stir in wine (or hold the sherry to drizzle over the top just before oven insertion).

1. Add to cooked and drained pasta in large pot: peas, poultry, mushrooms, and sauce. Stir. Optional: mix in any extra cheese here.
2. Pour into ungreased 2-quart casserole. Sprinkle top with cheese and breadcrumbs. Optional: drizzle sherry evenly.
3. Bake uncovered 30-40 minutes or until bubbly and slightly brown.
4. I like to switch the oven to broil and put the casserole under it for a couple minutes to maxi-crisp the top, but watch it like a HAWK as it's wicked easy to burn.

Comments

This is a favorite family recipe from as far back as I can remember, the fondness of which is not softened by the recent revelation it was ripped off from one of those classic cookbooks, either Betty Crocker or Better Homes, not sure which. I've done some research and discovered possible variants and tweaks, but I so love it as is, part of me doesn't even want to try changing it, even if it is an inconceivable improvement.--Caryatid 18:14, 27 December 2011 (EST)

TEMPLATE [WW: x points]

(XXX x/xx/xx)

Servings: xx

Xxx.

Ingredients

• xxx
• xxx

Instructions

1. xxx.
2. xxx.

Comments

xxx.--Caryatid 15:19, 25 January 2011 (EST)