Hub2 Ember: Adventure Journal

Thursday, May 30, 48670

I guess I can take some comfort in the fact that the spell is, technically, called "Hold Person" -- thus implying that despite someone's judgement that it should be used on me, they're still admitting, deep down, that I'm a person. Who am I kidding? That's not much comfort. Maybe I should have a bumper sticker made for Mara's hood. "FAERIE ON BOARD" might work. Or..."BEWARE OF WATCH-FAERIE"? That might send the wrong impression. "THIS ISN'T THE FAERIE YOU'RE LOOKING FOR"? "FAERIES ARE PEOPLE TOO!" Except, we already established that technically, they know that. Maybe Mara can think of something better. Perhaps "DETECT BEFORE YOU LEAP" would be more instructive.

I know I should be thankful she didn't choose a spell that was more...offensive. And that it didn't work. But I'm just not good enough to be like that yet. Every day I see that scar on my arm, my leg, they sting all over again. But now I can't just be angry. Now I feel bad -- like it's my fault, like I shouldn't make people so angry, like I'm the one who did something wrong. Like I'm the one who should be better. Having a conscience is hard work. I thought it might be hardest at the bottom, but it just gets harder as I climb. It will be worth it some day, Oak. Love you.

Sunday, June 3, 48670

Told a fortune today. The guy in the corner of The Dead Duck. I don't know why I offered. I haven't done a free one for a long time. Something about him felt like a little tug of kinship of some kind. So I asked, and he agreed. He threw a lot of dark runes, dark for people and shiny for coin. Money is so new to me, it's still striking to find anyone with that much gold and riches. But there is always a price, right? He's the kind who would not talk about such things, but...Isa, Berkano, so many darkened runes tell that he has, perhaps, paid the price in his relationships with others. He's a dark creature, whatever kind of man he is. My kind of dark. Why did I go? It was all I could think of. We have to find out who is after us. Please don't see me there, Oak. It's not my fault. Which moments of my life do you live? I imagine I must only see the best of you. All the gods in this life cannot help me if you only see the worst of me.

Thursday, June 7, 48670

I think I just met someone famous. Apparently, these woods we travelled through to get to the Temple of Eternal Night is rumored to be the home of the original Bronze dragon. So I'm flying above and scouting and suddenly half the party bolts...and then this guy I can't see says "Oops, sorry." It was totally dragonfear. I mean, he didn't identify himself, but you have to wonder. I apologized, just in case. It's good to be nice to powerful people.

Friday June 8, 48670

It has been a long time since I bathed in the presence of others, let alone under the watchful eye of a temple and deity. I think everyone else was either distracted by the temple or too embarrassed to look anyway. I'm not sure whether my uncomfortableness stems just from showing more of myself when I'd prefer to show less, or if it's still that nagging reminder every time someone new sees my oldest scars. Time has not dulled that moment. Rather, every reminder brings back each of those moments since -- like the priestess, most recently. This place can cleanse my body, but there are parts of my soul it will not wash clean.