Difference between revisions of "A Yard Glass of Beer"

Latest revision as of 12:04, 25 July 2005

Inspired by a comment made by Symmetry, who said that "Dwarven things aren't that long", in regards to the fact that though they are prodigious drinkers, due to their vertical shortcomings dwarves would have trouble drinking a yard glass of beer. A yard glass of beer is, of course, a yard-tall glass of beer containing three pints or so. It's rather popular in Australia, I hear.

A Yard Glass of Beer

Oh a dwarven miner,
You can't get any finer
For working your shaft all day.
With pickaxe or spade,
He's perfectly made
For digging it out any way.
But for all of his skill
With chisel and drill
There's one thing he can't do, I fear
When he gets to the bar
He's too short by far
To throw back a yard glass of beer.

A mean hobbit rogue
Is rather in vogue
For fixing your family affairs
With poisoned snacks,
Or daggers in backs
He's the shadow at the top of the stairs.
Yet such deeds in the dark
(Though rather a lark)
Are useless, it's terribly clear,
When out on the town
He tries then to down
A towering yard glass of beer.

A clever gnome mage
Whatever his age
Can beat you in day or in night.
With illusions aplenty
And spells (nearly twenty)
He's a tricky li'l bastard all right.
But all of his chanting
And masterful casting
Though it earns the respect of his peers,
There's not one cantrip
That will help him sip
Let alone drain a yard glass of beer.

So while he's great
With granite or slate
The dwarf ain't a tall enough chap.
The hobbit, though frightful
And the gnome, so delightful
Have got a similar handicap.
So take your tall self,
Be you human or elf
Or half-orc, with a loud cheer,
To the bar with your pals
And a couple cute gals,
And drink down that yard glass of beer!