Interview With A Satyr:Spotlight on Gwen

Hi there! Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Oh, hi there! I'm Gwen, well I mean actually I'm Gwendolyn but gosh, no one ever actually calls me that! So yeah, I'm Gwen. I'm a satyr, but I guess you could probably tell. Y'know, goat legs and all. I know, I know, satyrs are supposed to have horns, but honestly it's just the boys who have horns! People never seem to realize that. Anyway, I live in Scryfe, in the north part of the regular-people continent in The Hub. Oh no no, I don't mean everyone else isn't the regular people it's just the only other continent we ever went to was the faerie land one and that had all faeries on it. 'Cause it's the faerie lands and it's a different continent so we had to sail there on this neat boat with this really cool old elf guy as the captain and it was a lot of fun but we ended up fighting a dragon while we were there and packed up its teeth and claws and a bunch of stuff to bring home but then Xellia stowed away and came with us when we went back to our regular-people continent so I guess it's not completely a regular-people continent anymore because of the fae we brought home and everything, but anyway I don't live on the fae people place, just the regular one. So we got this nice big house and a really cool ogre in a tux as our housekeeper and a wood elf, groundskeeper Willy, to take care of the lawn and horses and everything, and it's an awful nice place to live. I get a big forest in my back yard and a nice town near by with cool shopping and a really nice jeweler, Mister Rosenberg, who is teaching me to make pretty shiny sparkly things and a nice master seamstress who is showing me how to sew nice clothes for all my friends. Oh and all my friends are really great people and they all live with me too, or I live with them, or well we all bought the house together, a while ago, but some have left and we made new friends since then, so I guess it's not really the same family we were when we bought the house! We find people who fall in to the hub and try to help them out if they haven't quite found their way yet, because we almost got ourselves into pretty big trouble when we first landed, 'cause we found this nasty mage guy who seemed like he was the good guy who could help us get home but it turns out he was actually an awful mean person who was trying to become an evil god and do all sorts of bad things to the world, and we spent some time working for him before we figured out he was actually the bad guy and sent us to spy on the good guys and then we ended up figuring it out and making friends with the good guys instead —

So um, Gwen, maybe you could tell us a little more about your friends?

Oh, of course! They're all really great people even if we do sort of stand out in a crowd. Well, most of them are really nice, Shathûr can be a little quiet sometimes and he's a bit of a grumpy old demon but he really does mean well. Xellia is a bit of a prankster but she's so smart she always comes up with great things to do, like that time she summoned a bunch of bugs to attack that nasty guy who was sealed off in a wall of force, or the time she cast a light spell on the blade of the snotty drow paladin's sword. We all had a good laught when we heard about that one. Elly is a good kid and she's sure growing up fast! She's a real sweetie though and it's awful sad that she fell in away from her grandpa and her magic school but we take care of her when she needs it and she does a lot to help us and she's gotten to be a really good mage here too and it's pretty weird when the people over at the mage's guild call her "Mistress" but I guess she did give them all those books we found in that lich's cave, and that was a really nice thing for her to do. And her owl Aremis is really nice even if he is a dirty old man, but he sure knows an awful lot of stuff! Asterix is a funny guy, he's Pussich's paladin and he tries really hard to be a good paladin but sometimes he doesn't always know exactly what to do, and believe me I know how that feels! He just does his best to keep everyone happy and make everything right, and his unicorn Bill has been a big help to him, even though I don't think Bill likes me too much which is probably 'cause of my night job, but then there's Stylus who we sort of found in a coffin when we kicked that lich guy out of his cave under the city, and he's from way back when there were mage wars or something a really long time ago, which is funny because he still looks really young and someone said he's just been asleep for a long time or something, but I sure thought people still got older when they slept. Maybe I should be getting more sleep! But anyway he's a good kid too, and he has tons of energy so he's a little hyper but I think we're all used to that now. And Nachta just joined us a little while ago when we found her wandering somewhere, but I don't remember if it was before we got out of the underdark or after, but I know it was somewhere around there. She's a drow but she's not really all nasty-drow-bitch drow, she's a nice happy drow and she's a ranger and everything, so no snake whip or whatever, and she just wants to bring her people back to the way they used to be before they got all stupidly cruel or something, and I think it's great that she's working so hard to help her people. It's also funny, because the Empress has us working with these other drow, because the evil squid sort of people are all banding together to raise SquidFace again and it's so bad the drow were even willing to work with us above-ground folks to stamp them out and there are four of them and two are really stuck up — the paladin and the priestess, of course — but the ranger guy is pretty cool and the little thief girl is just lovably adorable, in fact she's really kind of hot if you ask —

Wow, seems like you have a lot of friends! And to have a nice house like that in a growing town like Scryfe, you must have a lot of money too. What is it you all do?

Oh, we save the world. Mmhmm.

...You...save the world?

Yup! Well, last time it was really more than the world...oh no, that was the time before last, sort of. Well, anyway, this one time, it was pretty much everything. Like everything-everything, not just the hub or our regular-people continent or anything, 'cause you see, that bad guy mage I was talking about, Dolric, well, he got killed but he didn't really die 'cause some people already thought he was a god, so when he went to the abyss he sort of started making a rucus and tearing everything up down there, and it made a whole lot of trouble! And then there was a big problem with everything, and we had to go to the middle and talk to the Big Mommy Dragon who made everyone and everything and she told us it was broken. Everything, I mean. Er, everything was broken, that is. And that she could wipe it clean and start over but that would be awful 'cause none of us would be here, or she said maybe she could fix it, but someone else had already gone to her and asked her to start over but we wanted it fixed instead so everyone already there could still have a chance to live their lives. And then there was this trial by combat thing where Asterix had to fight their dumb drow champion guy, and it was really funny because he cast dark and silence so we were all sitting there watching this big silent black arena until it all went poof, and there was Asterix standing there next to the dead drow, an arm, and a leg, but it was funny because the drow corpse still had both legs! We were all a little surprised about that one.

Oh my god, your paladin cuts off people's limbs?!

Oh well it's not really him, it's this sword he has. You see before that we all went with him on this big quest to make his sword because he's the very first and only paladin of Pussich so he needed to have a really cool sword, and Pussich wasn't really up-to-date on all this paladin stuff, so he didn't know the steed was supposed to be first, but it was really neat! We had to go out and get all this stuff, like the crystal of night that was buried way in the middle of the hot wastes, where the big black dragon lives. You remember when the hot wastes exploded right? And the dragons all went in and killed off Big Black? It was so neat, we got to snag the crystal, and that's what the blade is made of. And then we went and got the Heart of Ice which is why the cold wastes aren't really cold any more, and boy was it cold in there! Oh I do hate having to wear clothes like that, they're so uncomfortable! And then there were some weird somethings about the sky that I don't remember, and it turned out they were frozen clouds or something we needed. And then we sacrificed his armour and his old broken sword to the god of the sea to make a pact with Leviathan so we could get two tears of the deep for the crosspiece, and that's why we were in the faerielands too because one of the things we needed was over there — ooh maybe it was the cloud thing! I think that's why we had to kill the white dragon, and I think they were inside it or something. The White Stone in the Sky I think. And then we had to get a mean old red dragon to let us use his blood to forge it, right when all the suns and moons aligned right. It was so neat! And now he's got this really cool sword that lights up and makes people hiccup and lets him talk to Pussich when we get in trouble, and sometimes if he gets a good swing it cuts off limbs. But he only ever uses it on evil people honest! Well, except that it can also dispell magic sometimes and he has used that on good people when it's bad magic, but that only happend a few times. And um...I don't remember what else it does, but it sure is pretty with that big shiny blade. And it's much better than the 10-foot lightning rod he used to carry around, especially with the squirrels around Capitol City.

He used to have a 10-foot sword?

Of course, he's a storm giant! I don't remember if someone in his family gave it to him or something before he left, he doesn't talk about them a lot, we just know they're all big. But I think he likes his new one better, and it sure must be neat to have a holy relic like that, and I think Pussich just feels more respectable now that his paladin is all set up with a steed and a sword and everything, and I think he likes the rest of us. He sure was happy when we came in and killed off Squidzilla. You see, Pussich was in his hall up in the celestial wherever, or wherever it is that gods have their halls, just minding his own business, while we were down here killing a juggernaut, and suddenly, BAM, there's Squidzilla, right inside his front door. So he screamed for Asterix and just as we were finishing up our fight, he teleported us up there 'cause you see, Squidzilla isn't really a god, that's SquidFace who the Illithid are trying to raise up from forever-ago, and Squidzilla is really just a parasite who latches onto gods and drains all their god-stuff from them to get stronger and it's awful and that's what we think maybe happend to Ramver 'cause he's gone now. So we didn't want Pussich to get Squidzilified, and we totally dug in and smashed the thing into a pulp but before we could really see if it was super-dead, it vanished, and poor Pussich was so scared, and then the avatar to the god of magic walked in holding it up by the tentacles and stabbing it and told us someone tried to teleport it away using magic, but of course you can't pull that kind of crap when the god of magic is watching! Score one for magic dude! So then they said we'd need a wish to really kill it off because it just renegerates, and any kind of deific power actually feeds it, and then Asterix pulled out his vial and asked if a few drops of that would be enough, and the avatar of magic guy looked at it and looked really surprised but he said yeah it would be fine, so he took a few drops of it and wished Squidzilla away, and then the pantheon said they were really happy with us and told us we could each have a gift for saving them from Squidzilla, and everyone had great things they wished for and they got smarter and faster and stronger and stuff, except when Pussich looked at me all cute and scared like that and asked me what I wanted, all I could think of to say was "dinner and a show?" and then everyone else thought it was really silly, but since everyone else got what they wanted, Pussich —

You asked a god on a date?!

— just told Asterix that he'd have me home by midnight, and it was awful nice. He was really cute and very polite about it even though it took him a little while to get comfortable and loosen up, he's such an uptight kind of guy! But deep down he's a sweetie and he really does look out for his people and everything, and he's really adorably sexy once you get past the big white robe thing, and there's just something very attractive about that subtle glow to his skin —

*THUD*

Uhm, excuse me Miss, are you okay?