The List of Things I Hate With Every Fiber of My Being
From UtterChaos
- Traffic
- Road construction
- PTC Windchill
- Condescending people who act as though they are somehow better than me
- Really bad timing
- People who borrow my torches for fire breathing and spit lamp oil on the torch to keep it lit when it's going out. SERIOUSLY ASSHOLES, HOLD THE FUEL IN YOUR MOUTH FOR THE 30 SECONDS IT TAKES TO GET ANOTHER ONE LIT. I had an inch of backwash and fouled fuel at the bottom of my fuel bucket that literally looked like HOT TURKEY BROTH because it had nasty oil bubbles floating all around the top - all from you turds spitting all over my beautiful handmade torches and then dipping it back in the white gas bucket. Every time you do that, you make the burn time shorter because the kevlar is soaked in backwash! Then your backwash gets on my poi!
- MS Word's auto-correction feature and auto-formatting feature. See here, you damn piece of overly user-friendly software, I SPELLED it "groincobbler" intentionally, and if I WANTED it to be on indented bullets I would have said so! You're like that overbearing girl in kindergarten that was always telling everyone exactly how to sculpt their Play-Doh. Stay out of my business, you nosy little shit!
- People who do not learn from their bad decisions and repeatedly make the same mistakes and constantly need bailing out
- Same said people who whine about how hard their life is when they could be getting by fine if they would only stop and think about how they got there in the first place
- The illogical (and often lack of), road signage on the east coast. 95-North is 3-South?! What kind of crappy cartographer made THAT one up?
- Deval Patrick's decision to continue tolls on the Mass Turnpike even once the original plan in which the tolls paid for the Pike's construction over a set number of years was up. $1.40?! Thanks to you, I have to keep a dollar, a quarter, a dime, and a nickel in change with me in my cupholder whenever I want to go anywhere west of Boston!
- The CharlieTicket system. IF IT AIN'T BROKE, WHY THE FUCK DIDJA BRING IN SOME FANCY-PANTS GERMAN-ENGINEERED ELECTRONIC TICKETING SYSTEM THAT COST A FORTUNE AND REQUIRES A ROCKET SCIENTIST ON STAFF FOR MAINTENANCE?! Let me present to you the pros and cons of tokens versus the Charlie system in a simple table here:
System | Pros | Cons |
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Old-School Tokens |
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CharlieCards |
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- Self-identifying, misguided feminists and feminazis. Listen hon, I'm going to be the last one in the world to say "women are inferior to men" and I think I'm a pretty good living example of "women doing it for themselves" when it comes down to it, but I also happen to accept that I can't pee on the ceiling without standing on my head. Has it ever occurred to you that if you "womyn" don't constantly preach about how different you are because you're sportin' an innie down there instead of a beef whistle, that people might focus on other qualities that actually make you worthwhile? Since when does just being a woman automatically make you worth the air you breathe, and entitle you to extra help? Who said women even *need* help? STUPID people need help. Stupidity extends across every gender, race, and other hot-button identification label based on passive traits that has its own special-interest activist-group. I purposely go by "Kim" on my resume and leave out every possible gender-identifying indicator, just so hiring managers won't know whether I'm a chick or a guy. Quota-filling hiring practices OFFEND me! How would you feel if you got hired for a job or got into college because of something you were born with, instead of how qualified you were? Like ass! So ladies, if you want to be treated like you CAN do something, you'd best be proving it. Emphasizing the differences between types of humans when the ultimate goal is to treat *everyone* with the same set of rights is self-defeating.
- Really, while we're at it same as above for every other "minority" activist out there. And by that I mean those stupid ones that are based on things that people are born with, and haven't achieved. Holy crap, I ACHIEVED being ASIAN! I deserve a prize and a scholarship!
- People who cannot say "sorry" when they are wrong or have made a mistake. Hope you enjoy being "right" every single day of your life because no one else sure as hell does, you asshat.
- Really un-stylish drunks. The ones that loudly knock shit over and break things and think they're hilarious and great. Actually, you crossed the line and now you're not just a drunk, you're That Guy and no one loves you, least of all your fellow drunkards. You give us amusing drunks a bad name.
- Cross-platform incompatibility.
- My car alarm. I didn't buy it, it came with the car, and it's automatically enabled every time my car auto-locks, so that next time I try to open it without the beepy-key, I get horned like a motherfucker. Seriously, the car currently contains 2 blonde wigs, bunny ears, and a little over a gallon of camping fuel - no one wants anything in there except for me.
- Whoever packed my leftovers at the Japanese restaurant last night. Liquids do NOT go in those square cardboard containers, mmmkay? Don't they have an instruction manual back there for you mongoloids who don't know how to pack a take-out container? Thanks to you I have teriyaki sauce spilled ALL INSIDE MY BAG which is JUST WHAT I NEED first thing in the morning after 4 hours of sleep.
- Toilet paper dispensers that hold onto the roll too tightly and truncate or shred the toilet paper while you are trying to pull it out, so you end up with a handful of single-ply bum-fodder shrapnel. Tucson International Airport, I'm looking at YOU. Fix your bathrooms! It takes me a billion times longer to wipe my ass because I am tearing off one or two sheets at a time to create an adequate wiping surface since I refuse to risk the possibility of seep-through to my hand. Is this feature meant to be helpful? Is America really so out of shape that the average wiper needs HELP tearing toilet paper? If so, we have got bigger problems than nasty shredding bits of TP.
- American Airlines.
- I hate Continental. Thank god Southwest goes to Boston now. -Zahnnie 14:34, 17 August 2009 (EST)