Izzy's Bloody Mary

I deeply love Bloody Marys - to me, they are the quintessential "luxurious breakfast while on vacation" drink. Unfortunately, all I have ever managed to make are PMSing Marys and Spotting Marys. Thankfully, my favorite beloved drunkard Izzy showed me how to make the ULTIMATE Bloody Mary while vacationing at Casa Bonita. This is, without a doubt, the Bloodiest Mary.

Ingredients:

Tomato juice

1 celery stick (cut diagonally for garnish)

1 tbsp fresh pico de gallo, or salsa if it is IMPOSSIBLE to find (if you're in Tucson and you can't get pico de gallo though, you are doing something wrong)

1 tsp pickled sliced jalapeno peppers (buy a can of some really spicy Mexican brand if you can find it)

3-4 jalapeno stuffed olives, and a splash of its brine

Several squirts of Sriracha

A few dashes of ground black pepper

1 generous shot Ketel One

A splash of tequila (optional)

Ice

A toothpick

Indeed, this may very well be the most complicated Bloody Mary ever, but it is by far the best I have ever tasted... coming in head-and-shoulders above Tryst's amazing Sunday brunch Bloody Mary. Well worth the trouble.

First, drop 4 ice cubes into a tall glass. Drop in the shot of Ketel One, and tequila if you want. Squirt the sriracha onto the ice cubes, then spoon in the jalapenos and the pico de gallo. Pour in the olive brine, then fill the glass the rest of the way with tomato juice. Top with pepper, and garnish with some olives speared onto the toothpick. Finally add the celery stick and give it a gentle stir.

For best results, this Bloody Mary should be made by an extremely attractive gentleman in the nude and sipped while cuddling on a private sun-drenched balcony over brunch.