"Djarum Black" Mead Beta Version

I have a really great piece of artwork that I would like to use as a label for this bottle. It's called "Father-Hating and Shame" and features a lovely young lady in the classic goth-club pose: one hand over the forehead pinching a clove, and an angsty grimace creeping over her perfectly painted features.

Ingredients:

3 lbs mesquite honey (for that extra smoky flavor)

2 tbsp whole cloves (for that rich Djarum Black smell)

3-5 whole star anise (freshly broken up, like that torrid relationship with your one true love who died of consumption and left you weeping over his gravestone where you were found half-frozen by the groundskeeper in the wee hours of the morning)

1 gallon of water (preferably from the shower where you washed yourself over and over after encountering that really horrid guy and his underage cat-girls who were pathetically attempting to recruit attendees for a "Vampire Flirting Party for the Gothic Kink-Curious" because, even after you left the club, you still just didn't feel clean*)

1 package Lavin wine yeast

1 tsp Fermax yeast nutrient

Tools:

1-gallon hillbilly jug

1 terlet-shaped gas-trap and cork

1 giant-ass pot

Siphoning equipment that does not suck**

Start the water in the pot. As the water begins to get hot, slowly stir in the honey. Simmer and skim off the scum, and set honey-water aside to cool down. As the honey is cooling, prepare a small mesh bag with the spices. When the must reaches around 65 degrees, stir in the yeast and yeast nutrient. Siphon everything into the hill-folk jug and toss the spice-bag in. Stuff it in a warm dark place (Oh, you know where I'm talking about. Yeah, that's right. In that cabinet next to the sink). More updates as progress dictates!

* True story - just ask Steve. He had the misfortune of having to set up his art booth next to that tool at the 2008 New England Darksidewalker's Ball.

** Haha, fictional. All siphoning equipment I've used sucks. Find me an autosiphon that keeps its seal for more than 3 rackings and bottlings, and THEN we'll talk.