Eggplant Parmesan

Surprisingly enough, I happen to know a thing or two about dirty Eye-talian cooking. Here's a recipe I cobbled together for Eggplant Parmesan using various helpful tips seen on daytime television cooking shows that I've watched over the years whenever I'm vacationing in California (they're second only to the Jerry Springer Show and Ricki Lake, but only when she's featuring midget guests).

Ingredients:

1 large eggplant (or 2 smallish ones)

1 large egg

2 cups Eye-talian seasoned bread crumbs

3 cups tomato sauce (your favorite jar variety is fine. For variety you can try using vodka sauce)

2-3 cups grated Mozzarella cheese

1 cup grated Parmesan cheese (don't skip this ingredient. This is crucial, otherwise you end up with baked-eggplant-and-cheese-casserole, but it won't be Eggplant Parmesan. Not that I've ever done this before, or anything...)

3/4 cup fresh basil leaves

rock salt/coarse sea salt

Tools:

1 bowl

1 plate

1 casserole dish

1 baking tray

1 colander

Slice up the eggplant into 1/2" rounds. Put the rounds in a colander and toss them with enough rock salt that each round has a pinch of salt on each side (this leeches away some of the moisture so that your end product won't be a big soggy mess). Preheat your oven to 400, and coarsely chop up the basil. Put the colander somewhere so that the purple moisture from the eggplant won't leak all over and make a mess. Go read a magazine or something for 15 minutes, then come back and beat the large egg in a bowl. Pour the breadcrumbs out on a plate. Take each piece of eggplant and individually dip into the beaten egg, then coat with breadcrumbs. Lay the eggplant pieces out on a baking tray and bake for 10 minutes (or until the breaded eggplant pieces start getting crispy). This may take several batches. Once all your eggplant "chips" are baked, gently loosen them from the tray. Then take your casserole dish and spread a few tablespoons of sauce onto the bottom. Sprinkle a portion of the mozzarella cheese onto the sauce, then put down a layer of eggplant rounds. Sprinkle some of the Parmesan cheese on top of the eggplants. Repeat the layering process: sauce, mozzarella, eggplant crisps, Parmesan, until all the eggplant crisps are used up. Top it off with a generous layer of mozzarella cheese, and a little fresh basil on top, then shove that sucker back in the oven until the cheese on top becomes melty and delicious, and the sauce is warmed.

As an added side benefit, this recipe turns out to actually be much healthier than your average recipe for Eggplant Parmesan, which has you deep-fry the breaded eggplant instead of baking it (had I only known beforehand...). So yeah, I guess if you can look past all the artery-clogging cheese that goes into this thing, it's relatively "good for you." I mean, it's got plenty of veggies in it.

Speaking of which, my favorite vegetable is Christopher Reeves.