Tea Eggs

Buying tea eggs in Taiwanese-influenced Chinatowns can get you some major AZN points if you're trying to impress your ghetto-fabulous Asian girlfriend, since tea eggs are considered the common ghetto-fabulous snack of choice. The thing is, almost every non-Asian person I know finds the smell completely offensive; as such, I've found that this recipe doubles as a Tom-repellent when times get tough (although personally, *I* think this recipe smells great). File this recipe under "People-Repellents" next to "Bacon Candle" if you prefer!

Ingredients:

4-6 eggs

3 to 5 cups of water (depending on how many eggs you have - you want to just cover the eggs with water in the pot)

3 whole star anise

1 cinnamon stick or 3 dashes of cinnamon out of a cinnamon shaker

3 generous splashes of soy sauce (about 4 tbsp)

1 teabag Lapsang Souchong tea

Tools:

1 spoon

1 small saucepan suitable for boiling eggs

First, chuck the eggs (carefully, dumbass) into the pot of water, and make 2-minute boiled eggs (put the lid on the pot, crank on the heat, and get the water boiling, then time it for 2 minutes and turn the water off. I can't believe I have to tell some of you how to do that!). Next, remove the boiled eggs from the pot (do not discard the water), and put them in a bath of really cold water (this causes the egg to contract away from the shell). While the eggs are taking a bath, add the soy sauce, star anise, and cinnamon to the reserved boiled water. Next, deconstruct the teabag of Lapsang Souchong tea and dump the leaves into the pot. Remove the eggs from the cold bath and, one by one, give the shells a couple good hard raps with the back of a spoon (just enough to cause lots of cracks all across the surface of the shell - do not actually break off or remove the shell). Carefully set each of those back into the pot with the herbs and soy sauce (shell and all). Put the lid back on and simmer on very low heat for about 2 hours (this is the step where your entire house will take on the smell of "Chinese herbs"... better known to some as the smell of "feet"). Enjoy your eggs, and save the sauce for a later batch of tea eggs, or for the Funky Chinese Herb Stew recipe.