TheHub2MannyEstel1

"Help! Somebody! Help me!"

Ah, the hero's siren song. Yeah, this is what I live for.

Broke into the mansion, beat up the guards, spooked the servants out of here, and now I'm off to rescue the maiden. Oddly, Lord Mathers isn't here, so no vampire boss fight today. Oh well, I'll deal. A friendly duel or two back in town should handle my blood lust.

Anyway, back to the important part: saving the maiden. She looks damn good for a prisoner. Her black hair is mussed up, and her pink dress is a bit dirty, but she is looking fine. It's obvious she knows I got in here, and she smiles as I approach. Hmm, there's something odd about it all.

My sis Anneal warned me about this. When I still followed her around she would constantly check for undead, demons, shapeshifters and anyone else that would want to tempt you into a false sense of security. She always told me to check for signs and stuff.

Kannis warned me too. Said she's seen it all the time. You flutter your eyelashes, beg for help even as they are freeing you. Call them a hero, the greatest thing that happened since gunpowder. Offer yourself immediately and bite them at your lesiure. Then Kannis reminded me that she would never do it, and was simply suggesting how it would go down. Theoretically. She's so cute when she does that.

The maiden at this point is jumping up and down, chains rattling and getting my attention. I gotta stop zoning out like that. She is making a lot of racket at this point. "Shhh!" I pull out the keys from the servant I bribed and they fit like a charm. The dungeon door swings right open and I am inches away from an another great story.

"Finally." She rolls her eyes and gives that all-too-familiar predator smile. Oh. I pull out my sword and charge in, hoping for a quick kill. She rips the chains from the wall with a single pull and almost no leverage. She's a strong one, nice in bed but not in a fight like this.

She's flailing the chains and the chunk in the wall, and it's tough to get close. She's pretty jumpy, too. It's very raw, kind of feral. But she's way too good at this. She's probably done this plenty of times before and to her, I'm just another point to score.

Her forehead is exposed. An opening? Nope, a feint. She wraps her chains around my sword and disarms me with one quick motion. "Funny, I always thought fighitng a Holysmith would be fun. You've no fight in you. I could - COWARD!"

She was talking way too much. Nothing pisses 'em off more like me running away. Also, that room is way too small for me to really fight in. Anyway, I'm halfway down the hall before Sexy Assassin leaps out and gallops after me. The chains are starting to trip her up, so she has to rip them off. Hopefully her hand-to-hand is worse than her flailwork.

"So uh, Sexy Assassin. Do you have a name? Hobby? Or were you waiting in that jail cell just for little old me?" I blurt out as I turn down a hallway and knock a few dish cabinets down.

She's a fast runner, but galloping like that means she turns wide. I take a left and barrel through a door. Now she's screaming for someone. "Erton! Why aren't you blocking the doors, dumbass!" Ah, she has an ally. Wait, Erton... oh, that's Lord Erton Mathers. Ah, I see.

...And the door's locked. I hear someone mumbling. "Yes ma'am." Very submissive voice. The person is pretty strong though. As I push on the door, he pushes back. Can't use brute force. Time for plan B: Smashy smashy.

Window smashing is easy. Vampires don't take care of their windows well. Usually they just drape it over and call it a night. The servants usually don't care much either and are too afraid to point out flaws. Very useful when fighting vamps during the day. Anyway, I grab something heavy (this time it's a masonry stone) and chuck it through.

The window sill is very narrow. Still, I'm going pretty quickly. Sexy Assassin finally catches up to the window, yells something at the door and carefully tiptoes onto the ledge. She's hesistant, double checking her steps, looking down and taking it slowly. Heh, these fighter types always have trouble keeping balance.

"Don't think you're getting a-away. I'll have you yet." Sexy Assassin here doesn't sound as confident as before. She wasn't even looking at me when she said it, she was checking her footing. Her silky smooth feet aren't used to the hard stones outside. I grin and reply "I'm just playing hard-to-get. Throws the ladies for a loop!" Queue the chakram. Hey, it was a decent pun. You try making one liners for a chakram toss.

Now, it's almost pre-dawn but it's still dark. It's a little windy, and I can't really swing my arm to get a full throwing arc. I'm just saying, it's not my fault it missed and hit her in the leg. She yelps and reaches for her leg reflexively. Hehe, good. Her balance is gone and she slips. The door unlocks and Lord Mathers is out trying to pull her up off the ledge. I'm pretty far away from them at this point, but I can still hear "don't need your help stupid...why didn't you seal the door in the first place..."

By now I am around the corner, out of sight. I grab a broken gargoyle head and smash another window in. I hop in. Nice, it's the dance hall. Uh oh. Wide open, not much furniture to throw around, and plenty of blood stains. This is her killing room.

The um...abattoir? The cows were slaughtered in the... abattoir. Yeah, that's it. This is her abattoir. Ladies like it when I get all fancy. Well most do. Some hate it and wish you would keep it simple. It's hard to gauge it without saying too much. You gotta figure out how smart you need to sound in those crucial first ten seconds. Like for example if she's upper class, you can assume - Oh wait. I zoned out again, didn't I?

By now, Sexy Assassin is in the room. She can't run as quickly thanks to the gash in her shin, and her predator smile is now an angry frown. She blurts, "Look what you did to my leg! I'll kill you!" and leaps at me.

"'I'll kill you?' Did you run out of taunts? A 'Dance of Death' would work wonders here. Maybe a 'Last Stand' reference? Did you run out of wit?" I take a step back and whip her arm. Her arm spasms in pain and she falls flat on her face. She springs to her feet rather quickly, but now she's standing right where I want her.

I drop a chandelier on her. It's a godawful cliché, I know. But the opportunity presented itself, and I have always wanted to do this. My chakram is right on target, vampires never maintain their old chandeliers, and she has probably never thought about this before. If she's not dead, she's stunned. I hear her mumble "help me" and know it's time for the kill shot.

Lord Mathers comes out of nowhere - that was crazy fast. He's standing between me and Sexy Assassin. "No!" He holds up his hands. I glare at him and he takes a step back. Whatever, this guy's a pushover. I reel my whip back, ready to crack and make some noise.

Something hit me, hard. I don't know what. It feels like a train hit me dead on. I hear a "begone" and then I'm flying through the air. Weapons are scattered, I'm three flights above the ground and I am catching some sweet hangtime.

Ow.

I'm awake! Also it's now daybreak. Aw man, I am facedown in grass stains and mud. My arm hurts like hell, and I can't find my chakrams or mace. I am not doing well. Sexy Assassin and her Toy will have to wait, I guess. She has to recover and repair the windows, at least. Time to head back to town and spread the word.

What? That story wasn't good? Sometimes you gotta play these stories slow. Move too fast and the audience looses interest. Also, it means I ask for more help. And when a Holysmith asks for help, he gets plenty.