Creamy Carrot Soup

I found this semi-flaccid celery heart in my fridge and decided it had to be used before it started smelling the place up. Thus my solution was an attempt at my brother's classy creamy carrot soup... a delicious way to use up all the flaccid veggies in your crisper.

Ingredients:

4 carrots

1 onion

1 celery heart

3 cups chicken broth

1 cup whole milk

1 cup cream

3 tbsp butter

3 tbsp flour

1 tsp vegetable oil

cayenne pepper to taste

Tools:

1 pot

1 blender

1 colander

1 big ass bowl

1 whisk

The first step to making the soup is to basically make old-people food out of the vegetables. First, peel and chop up all the veggies into bite-sized bits. Put the pot on the stove with the vegetable oil, and fry the onion and celery until they're flavorful. Scoop in the carrot bits and the chicken broth, then boil the hell out of the vegetables until they're nice and soft (the carrots should be fork-tender, meaning if you ream a fork into it, it breaks apart). Place the colander over the big-ass bowl, then strain the broth out and retain for later. After collecting the boiled veggies, slop them into your blender and hold down the button until it looks like something Grandma Ellen could gum her way down. In the same pot that once held the boiling veggies, melt the butter on medium heat, then add the flour and fry it for a minute, using the whisk to whip it around and being careful not to let it burn (I've found the whisk is the only way to make a proper roux - anything else just ends up looking like lumpy Brit-food). Pour the milk and the cream into the fried flour, and whisk constantly until the flour has been absorbed. Slowly pour in the chicken broth that you saved from earlier and continue whisking until the mixture gets nice and thick. Finally, add Grandma Ellen's vegetable-paste and whisk thoroughly until it has been incorporated. Season with cayenne pepper, and serve hot and sloppy alongside a thick slice of hippie-nut-crunch bread.