Shit That Makes Me Really Happy

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Nybble once asked me "MUST YOU ALWAYS BE SO NEGATIVE?!"

To that I say "well... ehhh... yes, but that doesn't mean that there aren't things out there that make me happy sometimes as well." I mean, when you're happy, no one wants to hear about it because chances are, they're probably miserable, and you're fartin' kittens and sunshine all over their parade. But since I always come across as bitching all the time, here's a list of the things that make ME fart kittens and sunshine... though I warn you, this page isn't nearly as funny as the rest of the ones I've put up so far.


  • Being able to fill up a week's worth of sandwiches with sprouts for only 69 cents
  • Huge, cheap, fresh avocadoes for 88 cents. And cramming them in my face-hole!
  • Fresh Singapore laksa, made by my mom.
  • A turkey sandwich, Gentleman's Jack, a bag of brand new art supplies, and no social or emotional obligations for the entire evening.
  • Opera cake
  • Being able to drive and park downtown without having to constantly fight back the urge to jump out of my car and repeatedly punch other drivers right in the box.
  • Being able to see mountains from wherever I am standing on the street.
  • Not driving!
  • New underwear
  • Inappropriate toilet humor at inopportune times
  • Non-pitted countertops
  • Wide, multi-lane, two-way roads
  • The Dirty Mercs
  • Central air
  • Waking up with the sun
  • Tater tots
  • Nuclear red hair
  • Being able to look out my window without being subjected to a million-dollar view right into my ugly-ass neighbor's master bathroom!
  • Poo jokes with Carrie
  • South Park, Family Guy, The Simpsons, Futurama, and that entire genre/family of adult cartoons
  • Covered, off-street parking where any asshole hippie that parks you in is guaranteed to get towed
  • Really amazing shoes
  • Crawling into soft grey sheets in an air-conditioned room on a hot summer night, being gently wrapped in someone's arms, and falling asleep to kisses on my shoulder
  • Spinning open a brand new bottle of DiSaronno
  • Izzy Maxwell
  • Eating fire
  • Ikura with quail eggs
  • Terrence & Philip
  • 100% silk Chinese brocade
  • Really kickass towels - you know the kind I'm talking about. The ones that dry you like a Sham-Wow while at the same time still remaining ever so soft on your dainty bits. I used one at Birka 3 years ago and was tempted to swipe every last towel that hotel had, but realized that it was going to show up on my room charge in the morning.
  • Being free of obligations
  • Hearing about people I don't like getting peed on
  • Having Fridays off
  • New club clothes
  • Professional moving and packing/unpacking services
  • In-unit laundry
  • My "How About A Nice Big Cup of Shut the Fuck Up" mug
  • Izzy Maxwell
  • Champagne cocktails on a Sunday morning
  • Lounging around in a giant party bathtub full of soothing cucumber and green tea-scented bubble bath while sipping Rosa Regale from a square champagne flute
  • Being picked up at the airport after a long day of terrible travel, without having to ask for it
  • Being greeted with a huge smile, a kiss, and a road soda after being away for 2 months
  • Making fudgie-sculptures out of a Charleston Chew and unpopped kernels of corn at the Someville theater and horrifying the patrons sitting in front of me with my "Fudge Hands" comment
  • Teeny cute delicious bento boxes filled with spicy tuna, avocado, and rice
  • Sewing vinyl on an industrial sewing machine
  • Deep-fried pickles and macaroni and cheese at Redbones
  • Aioli fries at River Gods
  • Cartman singing "Poker Face"
  • Jabo0odyDubs
  • Drifting off to sleep after a long evening of talking and giggling about nothing in particular, wrapped in the warmth of gentle arms and soft kisses on a cool New England fall night.
  • Being content with everything going on in a single moment and not being distracted by thoughts of anything else
  • Seeing clothing that I have made fit perfectly in a single try
  • Being told that I am really comfortable to be around
  • Large showers/bathtubs
  • Amaretto cocktails
  • Izzy Maxwell
  • New arrows
  • My fuel-efficient car