Hub Gwen
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Interview With A Satyr
Good morning everyone and welcome to Living Mysteries' weekend interview series. We've been lucky enough to get an chat with one very unique young lady -- if you thought all the satyrs around town were boys, she'll change your mind before you can do a double take!
Spotlight on Gwen
Hi there! Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Oh, hi there! I'm Gwen, well I mean actually I'm Gwendolyn but gosh, no one ever actually calls me that! So yeah, I'm Gwen. I'm a satyr, but I guess you could probably tell. Y'know, goat legs and all. I know, I know, satyrs are supposed to have horns, but honestly it's just the boys who have horns! People never seem to realize that. Anyway, I live in Scryfe, in the north part of the regular-people continent in The Hub. Oh no no, I don't mean everyone else isn't the regular people it's just the only other continent we ever went to was the faerie land one and that had all faeries on it. 'Cause it's the faerie lands and it's a different continent so we had to sail there on this neat boat with this really cool old elf guy as the captain and it was a lot of fun but we ended up fighting a dragon while we were there and packed up its teeth and claws and a bunch of stuff to bring home but then Xellia stowed away and came with us when we went back to our regular-people continent so I guess it's not completely a regular-people continent anymore because of the fae we brought home and everything, but anyway I don't live on the fae people place, just the regular one. So we got this nice big house and a really cool ogre in a tux as our housekeeper and a wood elf, groundskeeper Willy, to take care of the lawn and horses and everything, and it's an awful nice place to live. I get a big forest in my back yard and a nice town near by with cool shopping and a really nice jeweler, Mister Rosenberg, who is teaching me to make pretty shiny sparkly things and a nice master seamstress who is showing me how to sew nice clothes for all my friends. Oh and all my friends are really great people and they all live with me too, or I live with them, or well we all bought the house together, a while ago, but some have left and we made new friends since then, so I guess it's not really the same family we were when we bought the house! We find people who fall in to the hub and try to help them out if they haven't quite found their way yet, because we almost got ourselves into pretty big trouble when we first landed, 'cause we found this nasty mage guy who seemed like he was the good guy who could help us get home but it turns out he was actually an awful mean person who was trying to become an evil god and do all sorts of bad things to the world, and we spent some time working for him before we figured out he was actually the bad guy and sent us to spy on the good guys and then we ended up figuring it out and making friends with the good guys instead —
So um, Gwen, maybe you could tell us a little more about your friends?
Oh, of course! They're all really great people even if we do sort of stand out in a crowd. Well, most of them are really nice, Shathûr can be a little quiet sometimes and he's a bit of a grumpy old demon but he really does mean well. Xellia is a bit of a prankster but she's so smart she always comes up with great things to do, like that time she summoned a bunch of bugs to attack that nasty guy who was sealed off in a wall of force, or the time she cast a light spell on the blade of the snotty drow paladin's sword. We all had a good laught when we heard about that one. Elly is a good kid and she's sure growing up fast! She's a real sweetie though and it's awful sad that she fell in away from her grandpa and her magic school but we take care of her when she needs it and she does a lot to help us and she's gotten to be a really good mage here too and it's pretty weird when the people over at the mage's guild call her "Mistress" but I guess she did give them all those books we found in that lich's cave, and that was a really nice thing for her to do. And her owl Aremis is really nice even if he is a dirty old man, but he sure knows an awful lot of stuff! Asterix is a funny guy, he's Pussich's paladin and he tries really hard to be a good paladin but sometimes he doesn't always know exactly what to do, and believe me I know how that feels! He just does his best to keep everyone happy and make everything right, and his unicorn Bill has been a big help to him, even though I don't think Bill likes me too much which is probably 'cause of my night job, but then there's Stylus who we sort of found in a coffin when we kicked that lich guy out of his cave under the city, and he's from way back when there were mage wars or something a really long time ago, which is funny because he still looks really young and someone said he's just been asleep for a long time or something, but I sure thought people still got older when they slept. Maybe I should be getting more sleep! But anyway he's a good kid too, and he has tons of energy so he's a little hyper but I think we're all used to that now. And Nachta just joined us a little while ago when we found her wandering somewhere, but I don't remember if it was before we got out of the underdark or after, but I know it was somewhere around there. She's a drow but she's not really all nasty-drow-bitch drow, she's a nice happy drow and she's a ranger and everything, so no snake whip or whatever, and she just wants to bring her people back to the way they used to be before they got all stupidly cruel or something, and I think it's great that she's working so hard to help her people. It's also funny, because the Empress has us working with these other drow, because the evil squid sort of people are all banding together to raise SquidFace again and it's so bad the drow were even willing to work with us above-ground folks to stamp them out and there are four of them and two are really stuck up — the paladin and the priestess, of course — but the ranger guy is pretty cool and the little thief girl is just lovably adorable, in fact she's really kind of hot if you ask —
Wow, seems like you have a lot of friends! And to have a nice house like that in a growing town like Scryfe, you must have a lot of money too. What is it you all do?
Oh, we save the world. Mmhmm.
...You...save the world?
Yup! Well, last time it was really more than the world...oh no, that was the time before last, sort of. Well, anyway, this one time, it was pretty much everything. Like everything-everything, not just the hub or our regular-people continent or anything, 'cause you see, that bad guy mage I was talking about, Dolric, well, he got killed but he didn't really die 'cause some people already thought he was a god, so when he went to the abyss he sort of started making a rucus and tearing everything up down there, and it made a whole lot of trouble! And then there was a big problem with everything, and we had to go to the middle and talk to the Big Mommy Dragon who made everyone and everything and she told us it was broken. Everything, I mean. Er, everything was broken, that is. And that she could wipe it clean and start over but that would be awful 'cause none of us would be here, or she said maybe she could fix it, but someone else had already gone to her and asked her to start over but we wanted it fixed instead so everyone already there could still have a chance to live their lives. And then there was this trial by combat thing where Asterix had to fight their dumb drow champion guy, and it was really funny because he cast dark and silence so we were all sitting there watching this big silent black arena until it all went poof, and there was Asterix standing there next to the dead drow, an arm, and a leg, but it was funny because the drow corpse still had both legs! We were all a little surprised about that one.
Oh my god, your paladin cuts off people's limbs?!
Oh well it's not really him, it's this sword he has. You see before that we all went with him on this big quest to make his sword because he's the very first and only paladin of Pussich so he needed to have a really cool sword, and Pussich wasn't really up-to-date on all this paladin stuff, so he didn't know the steed was supposed to be first, but it was really neat! We had to go out and get all this stuff, like the crystal of night that was buried way in the middle of the hot wastes, where the big black dragon lives. You remember when the hot wastes exploded right? And the dragons all went in and killed off Big Black? It was so neat, we got to snag the crystal, and that's what the blade is made of. And then we went and got the Heart of Ice which is why the cold wastes aren't really cold any more, and boy was it cold in there! Oh I do hate having to wear clothes like that, they're so uncomfortable! And then there were some weird somethings about the sky that I don't remember, and it turned out they were frozen clouds or something we needed. And then we sacrificed his armour and his old broken sword to the god of the sea to make a pact with Leviathan so we could get two tears of the deep for the crosspiece, and that's why we were in the faerielands too because one of the things we needed was over there — ooh maybe it was the cloud thing! I think that's why we had to kill the white dragon, and I think they were inside it or something. The White Stone in the Sky I think. And then we had to get a mean old red dragon to let us use his blood to forge it, right when all the suns and moons aligned right. It was so neat! And now he's got this really cool sword that lights up and makes people hiccup and lets him talk to Pussich when we get in trouble, and sometimes if he gets a good swing it cuts off limbs. But he only ever uses it on evil people honest! Well, except that it can also dispell magic sometimes and he has used that on good people when it's bad magic, but that only happend a few times. And um...I don't remember what else it does, but it sure is pretty with that big shiny blade. And it's much better than the 10-foot lightning rod he used to carry around, especially with the squirrels around Capitol City.
He used to have a 10-foot sword?
Of course, he's a storm giant! I don't remember if someone in his family gave it to him or something before he left, he doesn't talk about them a lot, we just know they're all big. But I think he likes his new one better, and it sure must be neat to have a holy relic like that, and I think Pussich just feels more respectable now that his paladin is all set up with a steed and a sword and everything, and I think he likes the rest of us. He sure was happy when we came in and killed off Squidzilla. You see, Pussich was in his hall up in the celestial wherever, or wherever it is that gods have their halls, just minding his own business, while we were down here killing a juggernaut, and suddenly, BAM, there's Squidzilla, right inside his front door. So he screamed for Asterix and just as we were finishing up our fight, he teleported us up there 'cause you see, Squidzilla isn't really a god, that's SquidFace who the Illithid are trying to raise up from forever-ago, and Squidzilla is really just a parasite who latches onto gods and drains all their god-stuff from them to get stronger and it's awful and that's what we think maybe happend to Ramver 'cause he's gone now. So we didn't want Pussich to get Squidzilified, and we totally dug in and smashed the thing into a pulp but before we could really see if it was super-dead, it vanished, and poor Pussich was so scared, and then the avatar to the god of magic walked in holding it up by the tentacles and stabbing it and told us someone tried to teleport it away using magic, but of course you can't pull that kind of crap when the god of magic is watching! Score one for magic dude! So then they said we'd need a wish to really kill it off because it just renegerates, and any kind of deific power actually feeds it, and then Asterix pulled out his vial and asked if a few drops of that would be enough, and the avatar of magic guy looked at it and looked really surprised but he said yeah it would be fine, so he took a few drops of it and wished Squidzilla away, and then the pantheon said they were really happy with us and told us we could each have a gift for saving them from Squidzilla, and everyone had great things they wished for and they got smarter and faster and stronger and stuff, except when Pussich looked at me all cute and scared like that and asked me what I wanted, all I could think of to say was "dinner and a show?" and then everyone else thought it was really silly, but since everyone else got what they wanted, Pussich —
You asked a god on a date?!
— just told Asterix that he'd have me home by midnight, and it was awful nice. He was really cute and very polite about it even though it took him a little while to get comfortable and loosen up, he's such an uptight kind of guy! But deep down he's a sweetie and he really does look out for his people and everything, and he's really adorably sexy once you get past the big white robe thing, and there's just something very attractive about that subtle glow to his skin —
*THUD*
Uhm, excuse me Miss, are you okay?
Adventuring 101
Ahem. Here we are back at the studio. Gwen, I'm glad you could be here with us again today. It seems you've got quite a few fans out there who would love to hear a little more about you! In fact, it looks like you'll be a regular on our interview series for a while.
Oh gosh you guys are so sweet!
So, Gwen, we heard last time about you and your friends saving the world...but, how did you get into adventuring?
Oh dear, that's a funny question. Well, I didn't really adventure much until I landed in the Hub, because it seems like it's hard to live here without having adventures! I mean, back home everything was really very quaint and low-key, and we just lived day-to-day in the woods. I mean, I picked a traveller's pocket here and there, but I always left them some of course, 'cause it's mean to take all of someone's money and leave them with nothing, but I really didn't have any, 'cause who gives a satyr a job, honestly! I just needed to buy a bow so I could hunt for my dinner and stuff 'cause it was more fun living out with the trees anyway than being stuck in a big city all the time, so I got a little used to roughing it when I was growing up. It make you feel a lot more alive to be around all that living, breathing space. I don't know why some people don't seem to see it, but forests just have a little glow of life around them. Anyway, I was curled up snuggling my favorite tree one night and fell asleep for a little nap, and then it really started when I woke up in a waterfall a little ways outside of Berlin, with Asterix, Nigel and Alekzie. I'd never met any of them before, and none of us knew where we were, so I guess at that point you could say I really started an adventure. So I suppose I got into adventuring by falling into the hub one night and waking up in a waterfall!
That sounds like it must have been pretty surprising!
I guess it was. I don't really think about it too often — you can't think about weird things too much when you're in the Hub, 'cause everything is like that, so I guess they aren't really weird any more! When we got to Berlin, they told us to go to Capitol City and talk to the people in city hall. I forgot if it was the hall in Berlin or the one in Capitol City that had the super-multi-armed secretery but he was really nice to us. But there was some military guy at Capitol City who said we had to join guilds if we wanted to work in the Hub and then I had to go figure out what guilds to join 'cause there are just so many guilds, and all of them looked so interesting, even though I know I could never do a lot of the things people do around here, so I tried really hard to pick just a few but I still ended up joining a lot of them. I guess better safe than sorry! They made it sound like someone would really come down on you if you weren't in the right guilds for the stuff you do! But we see a lot of stuff that's surprising pretty much every day so it's not really a surprise any more, and I don't really remember what it was like not to be un-surprised all the time 'cause all the surprises weren't surprising, 'cause I guess they used to be surprising but now that just seems weird. Are you okay, hon? You look a little dizzy again.
No, no, I'm fine. It's...um...so uh, let's see. I think a few people have written in with some questions, and one of them was about this...oh yes. Do you have any advice for a woman looking to go into adventuring?
Well, falling into the Hub sure seems to be a good start! I wouldn't recommend the waterfall part though, 'cause it was a little cold, but I do think everyone should have a favorite tree! But really, you don't need to have a whole lot to adventure, just make sure you have some friends you can really trust and make sure they can really trust you too, and that you know how to take care of yourself and how to travel, and that you always remember to bring food and water and stuff and always assume you'll be gone longer than you think you will, in fact even longer than that usually, and make sure your friends are all kinda different 'cause if you all do the same thing then you'll just end up fighting over who does the stuff you're all good at and no one will do all the other stuff and it'll be really bad 'cause you need people to do all sorts of random things when you are out on the road, and make sure you try to make friends with everyone because it's always better to be friends with people than to be mean and then have them angry at you —
Um, Gwen?
— when you could've had them being nice and helping you, like the dragons we met who turned out to be really super-sweet people and have help us over and over, except that sometimes they can't get involved and we have to respect that because they're just so nice to us all the time, and you also want to make sure that you don't try to have an adventure that's too big and adventurous for you or that goes into a really dangerous place because you have to start small just like everything else and get practice adventuring before you really start have super amazing adventures and even little things can go a long way towards making the world a better place, and also you want to always —
Gwen, breathe.
— make sure you have the right equipment for the right job, and I'm so glad I have smart friends because I never really know what to bring other than my swords and a bit of rope or something, but they always know when we're going to need extra special other things, and make sure if you need special things that the people sending you on your adventure know that and are willing to help you get what you need, because it's no good for them to just send you out without the right things, so make sure they give you some help with equipment or some of the money up front so you can buy what you need before you go 'cause if they don't there's a good chance you won't come back and that doesn't help anyone so it's better just to avoid it altogether.
Oh thank goodness.
But overall I'd say for a woman trying to get into adventuring just find yourself the right group of people and you'll be just fine! You start to see your adventuring friends as your family after a while, and if you want to stop and have your own family of course you can, I'd just suggest that you make sure you make strong friends and weak enemies, and if you make any enemies who aren't weak just make sure you get rid of them before you settle down and have a family or anything, and remember, the younger you start training the better you learn! It's lots of fun, kids, so go around your town and talk to people at all the different guilds you can find 'cause a lot of them will have great stories and fun things to do, and it's better to find out now what things you like!
Well, that's a good bit of advice for our listening audience. Could you give us an idea of what you do on your off time, when you aren't out on an adventure?
Well, I am a member of a handfull of guilds, you can see here I have a whole bunch of guild IDs, so I spend a lot of my time training with some friends I have in those guilds in Skryfe, and it's been really wonderful because they have amazing talent and are so willing to help and teach that I've just fallen in love with all my trades.
Oh, here's a member card for the jewler's guild, I guess you did mention Mr. Rosenberg. He's quite famous.
Yeah, he's a really nice guy. We came across a huge stash of giant gemstones on one of our adventures, in the cave with the orb of the gods, and they were in the giant beautiful murals, but we accidentally sort of wrecked the whole cave and blew everything up so the murals all fell off the walls and Elly sort of collected all the gems and brought them home with us, and we found Mr. Rosenberg because he was able to buy them all from us, which was really how we bought our house, so we're very grateful to him.
And this one looks like the Seamstress' Guild, and — oh goodness, is that...
Oh that one's for the prostitute's guild. That's funny, usually it's on top 'cause I have to show it to all my customers 'cause they know they aren't supposed to pay unless I show them my card so they know I've got all my shots and stuff.
Oh my. Someone did write in asking about the night job you mentioned, but I didn't think...
It's actually a nice job I have to say. I'm really a people-person and it's great that I get to meet so many different people, across a lot of towns sometimes too when we travel, and I've made some nice friends, like Lt. Michaels up at Scott's keep, he was really a sweetie and I didn't even charge him, he was just so cute. And there are so few satyrs around here that I get a pretty good rate most of the time, too. Of course, I don't have a teacher with that guild! I was thinking though that it'd be cool if someone started a few classes at the guild because honestly, some people really could use some instructions and it's a shame to expect kids to figure this all out on their own, so I was toying with the idea of getting some educational programs going in Skryfe to help make sure people know how to have fun and be careful, 'cause they seem to be growing up faster every day.
I uhm...you want to teach...oh goodness. I don't think I can say that on the air. How long have you been in...that guild?
Oh, it was the first one I joined. It's really the only job I did back home, so I sort of gravitated to it automatically, and I just want to make it better for everyone involved and give back some to the community, 'cause I've been doing this for half my life now, so it's something I really have come to know inside and out, and I really want to make sure people know themselves and know how to be happy.
Half your life? You look quite young.
Oh, I'll be turning 22 soon, right at the end of June actually, I'm a summer baby. I love the summer and the warm weather and the sun and all the pretty bright green new leaves that've just sprung up from spring and the warm smells from the trees. It's a great time to be outside and around and just enjoy being alive.
You started...uhm working...when you were only eleven?!
Yeah, eleven is a little older for satyrs than it is for humans. Kinda like it's younger for elves. I don't really remember ever having parents, and I always had to try and act grown up, so I didn't really notice when I started actually growing up...but there was this really dreamy boy in a little town near my forest, and he was just so awfully pretty it always made me go all fluttery and squishy when I'd see him, 'cause sometimes I'd go into town and buy food and stuff, or look for a new knife or other things like that, and he always looked at me all funny and it just made me go even squishier, and then he saw me sitting in the street asking people for silver 'cause I didn't really have parents and it was hard to hunt for food sometimes and I had to ask people for money when I couldn't find anything, so later he found me in the woods one night and and I never really got his name, but he did bring me one really bright shiny gold coin when he came looking for me, and he said he's give it to me if I...well, and...then we...well you know...and...actually it was awfully nice and he was only just a couple of years older than me and I think maybe he thought I was his age 'cause he never really asked. I guess you could say I had a bit of a crush on him so it was a nice start to my career, and he did come back a few times and then I could actually get food and buy myself a bow to hunt for real and I was a little sad when he moved away but I figured out how to get more people to pay me, and I guess I must have missed him 'cause I still remember him even though it was so long ago, and — oh gosh, am I turning pink now?
After all that explaining, you actually blush over having had a crush on a cute boy when you were a kid? Oh dear, no no, it's okay, you don't have to be embarassed. Everyone has crushes when they're 11, sweetie, it's alright.
I guess I never really told anyone about him before.
Well, it sounds like we're just about out of time for today, and I think we'll be signing off. We hope you'll all tune in again soon, and in the mean time, keep those questions coming!
Showdown
Well, Gwen, things have gotten pretty complicated lately, haven't they? You and your friends had quite an involvement in the recent war. Did you know you'd be so involved with the fight against the Destroyer?
Well, actually, we did know ahead of time because we had to be part of the banishing ritual. Mistress Elly particulary did a lot of research beforehand. She's really very smart, you know, even though she's still young. Especially since she got even smarter when we had our wishes granted by the pantheon, and Aremis helps her a lot too, since he's also really smart. There's so much smart going around, I feel a little left out sometimes, but I know everyone is good at different things, so it's okay. She spent tons of time in libraries and spoke with the capitol city's archmage upstairs in the top of the mage tower, to understand what people have tried in the past when the Destroyer has been raised, since it happens every 2000 years or so, and then once she knew what we needed, we all went out and started recruiting people and stuff. Like we found the priestess to help with the second ritual, 'cause Elly found out we had to do two rituals and all, and we also went to the hall of the dwarves to get a dwarf to help with the first ritual, and we had to talk to the Empress about being part of the second one and everything. Our whole team was very active in the lead-up to this fight. Actually, we were warned early on that each of us who received a wish from the pantheon when we defeated Squidzilla would be called upon to serve in the battle with the Destroyer.
You've been to the hall of the dwarves? What was that like?
Well, it was pretty interesting. We had a little trouble getting there...some kind of nasty creature was lurking outside, and I don't remember what everyone called it, but it was sort of a cross between a basalisk and a dragon or something? It was a pretty bad fight, but we made it through. Then we had trouble getting in, but once we finally got inside and could talk to the dwarves, it all went a lot better. There was a little incident with Nachta teaching Elly some drow drinking songs, and Stylus made a faux pas, okay maybe a few, while he was trying to learn a little bit of the dwarven lanugage. Anything that's not about gold is about beer, I swear, it seems like it must be very difficult to carry on a normal conversation. I couldn't even see the different between most of their different golds, and that's coming from someone with jeweler training! I guess you have to be a miner to understand. It was cute watching him learn though. But anyway, we were able to talk to the dwarves, while the dragons went to talk to the elves, and they agreed to appoint a dwarf to participate in the ritual, and also sent some fighters and heros to fight alongside the army in the final battle.
Speaking of the final battle, how did you personally prepare for that kind of confrontation?
I did some very good shopping!
Did you say...shopping?
Yes I did. It's very important when you are going into a difficult situation to plan ahead, which means knowing everything you can about the challenges you will face, and finding every possible way to swing the odds in your favor. All the smart people did such great research that we knew what abilities Squidface would have that I knew exactly what I was looking for and shopped all over the city until I could find just the right things for all of us. I'm not book-smart like Elly or Shathur, but I know my friends and how they stand up in a fight, and what knocks them down. So I knew exactly what everyone needed to make this battle a victory. It can be a real life-saving measure to have the right protections, which may seem silly when the plan was to have everyone die anyway, but that's just because the ritual was guaranteed to kill them--
Wait, the ritual killed all of them? The burial ground was only prepared for three.
Well, yeah, the other ones we knew we'd be able to have raised, assuming there was anyone left to pray for them. It's not fun, believe me, I've been dead and raised before and it really does take a little life out of you. Hee hee I guess that's sort of silly, of course dying take some life out of you! But, I guess I've learned that there is dying and then there's really dying, and if you die bad enough, sometimes it takes a lot more to bring you back. We knew we wouldn't be able to bring back Asterix, Shathur or the Empress when we went down there for the fight, and they were all three brave enough to go anyway and do their part. I didn't really understand the details about it, but the ritual was supposed to shatter the soul and being of the Destroyer into tiny pieces that would scatter like confetti over all the different worlds and planes of existance, and their souls would be scattered or consumed at the same time. It sounded terribly scary. I mean, having been through it once, I'm not exactly afraid to die again, of course it's sad to think about it and sometimes I am afraid of letting down the people I care about, but there's something deeply frightening and disturbing about being just snuffed out like that, or broken up and sent out to a million different worlds.
But...they did come back. How did that happen?
Shathur asked me that too, and I couldn't really answer. In fact, no one has really been able to explain that just yet. But the big mommy dragon told me I could do it, so I guess maybe I did. I really didn't know how I could've, and I don't know why she said that, but when they were really going to put them in that little stone prison for ever and ever, I was so sad I wanted them not to have to go away. It's not fair for them to work so hard to save everyone and everything in the whole world and then be stuck sealed up like that and never come back. I've never wished so very hard for anything in my life, and I can't imagine I ever will again. Maybe it's really true that wishing hard enough can call a miracle more powerful than a high priest's prayers.
Well, it was a lucky thing you were there for them. Everyone should be so lucky to have friends like you. What do you think would've happened if you had been in the ritual instead?
Oh, it was really specific who had to be in it, and I wouldn't really have fit in for any of the spaces. That's why I was fighting Squidface instead, 'cause we had to make sure he didn't kill any of the really important people before we could beat him unconscious to do the ritual. I mean, if I had been told it was my part, I would have done whatever I needed to do, just like my friends did. But instead, my part was to fight, and I certainly have plenty of experience doing that now that we've been out on so many adventures. Like I said, everyone is good at different things, and it turned out I was pretty good at what they needed me to do.
You fought the Destroyer yourself?
Well not by myself of course, there were a bunch of heros there fighting, including Asterix, and also a couple dwarves and a few elves, and Drow Bish was there too and they all worked together, but it was really cool when Asterix took the first charge, riding Bill right up into the Destroyer's big ugly squid face and chopping off one of his big ugly squid legs. It was an awesome opener and I think it really gave our whole army the confidence to keep fighting, even though they were totally outnumbered and being mindcontrolled by those awful, evil, gross squiddy mindflayer people. We didn't have a whole army's worth of the magic circlets that block the evil mindcontrol stuff, so sometimes people in the army were forced to do awful things like turn around and start fighting on the bad side, it was really terrible and I can't even imagine how it must have been to see your comrades like that. But I didn't really see that until later, because I was busy sneaking at first, so I could get behind Squidface and stab him in his stupid big ugly squid butt. He got pretty angry when I did that and took a swing or two at me, but I'm just one little acrobat, and he didn't really seem too interested in fighting me with all those grand paladins and warriors in front of him. So of course all the fighters distracted him and I had to give him a good zing again! I always said it's not a real good zing until you do it twice, but I guess that's a little different with my usual job --
Um yes, indeed, so you really did fight toe-to-toe with the Destroyer?
Yes I did, well, it was toe-to-heel at first, but after the second good stab, ol' Squidface turned around and really started trying to get me out of the way, I guess because his poor tender stupid big ugly squid butt had taken just about enough stabbing, except it was really funny 'cause he couldn't actually hit me, so I got to make faces at him, at least until we all finished beating him into submission, which was really cool. I made faces at the Destroyer! Heehee. Then the heros all went to join the army, 'cause we still had to keep them at bay and make sure there was enough space for everyone else to start the rituals. I got to join the army too. There were the two rituals they had to do, so once I'd made sure they were all set to get started, I was running around the circle trying to lend a hand, or a sword, wherever our army was starting to cave in, and then I spotted one of the Illithid generals and managed to make an awesome run over there and stabbity-death him, and it was really awesome because it really helped our army's morale and everyone started fighting even harder! It was an amazing, huge effort from every soldier on that field, so to any of you out there who fought, I cannot thank you enough, and to those friends and family who lost someone down there, I am so very sorry that I couldn't be more places at once. I know an apology can't fill an empty space in a parent, child or lover's heart, but I want to say that every man and woman on that battlefield stood to protect the whole Empire, the entire world even, and I couldn't be more proud of all of them -- soldier or support, hero or flag-bearer. Those are difficult shoes to wear, and everyone I saw did a stunning job.
Folks, just a tiny sample of how eloquent Gwen can be when she feels strongly about a subject. I think I'm going to need a tissue...
I'm not really sure how long I spent running around the circle as army-support, but it sure felt like a long time. I think it took at least half an hour or an hour for each ritual, 'cause they were pretty long, drawn out magic things that I really don't understand very well. I just knew they were complicated, and involved a lot of people who would have to sacrifice their lives to get the job done. They were very brave.
So what happened when the rituals finished?
Well, I think it was the same the whole way across the whole world. There was that funny sort of whump feeling and everything went a little weird. Magic started dying out, and we were stuck trying to figure out how we could heal all our wounded, struggling to organize the army when everyone was so exhausted and overwhelmed. And then all my friends were dead and I had to get the heros and the army people to help bring them all home. It was harder to bring every one of my friends home dead that it was to stand face to face with the Destroyer and stare him down. It made me very sad and angry at the same time, and I don't feel either one very often, so I was totally unprepared for it. I was ready to fight him again for each and every one of them, if it could've prevented their sacrifices.
Oh dear, I'm sorry sweetie, here, have some of the tissues.
Thanks...I mean, there is something very gut-wrenching about having to see all your friends laid out lifeless in a row of beds, and picking and choosing who to bring back first. I'm not used to being the one who makes the decisions, especially not life and death decisions, and these were difficult ones to make. And on my way home, with everyone in the back of the wagon, trying to figure out how I was going to manage this with the difficulties everyone was having with their magic, and even with healing our wounded, the big mommy dragon stepped in to tell me somehow I could help the few friends I thought couldn't be helped. But now knowing how was so frustrating, it just added to the many things I suddenly had to think about, all at once. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to face, and I never want to feel like that ever again.
I know it's in my prayers that none of us will have to go through something like this again. I think it's in almost everyone's prayers around the world.
Well, that's why we did the extra second ritual, that they've never tried before, because it should mean no one ever does, not for this Destroyer. He is gone forever now, and I was lucky enough to get all my friends back.
Maybe we should be talking about a happier occasion. Last time, you mentioned you had a birthday coming up. Lots of people wrote in wishing you the best, as you turn 22, and also wondering what you did to celebrate! Why don't you tell us a little about that?
Oh it was really quite lovely, we went out and walked around capitol city, and then we had this wonderful lunch at a really nice restaurant downtown. Then when I got back to the palace, they took me over to the baths and I got a perfectly blissful soak in the hot baths and they brushed my hair and everything and my friends had gotten me a sparkly hairpiece they used, and then the Empress summoned me down to the ballroom 'cause everyone was all gathered together and they had a huge birthday ball just for me! It was all very warm and fuzzy and we had a great time dancing and there was an amazing dinner too.
Wow, that sounds pretty amazing. So what's next?
Well it seems like after the big whump when we unsquidded Squidface things have gone a little weird with magic and technology, and people aren't quite sure what to do or how it all works. We'll be doing anything we can to help sort it all out and get through the next year. I don't know exactly what's in store but I'm pretty sure the Empress has things she wants us to do. I don't usually get too involved in the plans, 'cause things always seem to go wacky when I do and everyone else doesn't always like things quite so, well, unplanned.
Okay, well I'm sure you'll have more adventures to talk about next time you're back in town!
Thanks, take care everyone!
Individual Transcripts
Interview With A Satyr:Spotlight on Gwen
